Woman of the Week

A Navy Officer and a Gentle Woman: Dr. Heidi Kraft

This mom of twin 5-year-olds serves as guardian angel to wounded soldiers

-Mary Beth Sammons

Talk about pressure under fire on the mom front! San Diego clinical psychologist Heidi Kraft was deployed to a remote airbase in Iraq when her twins - Megan and Brian - were 15 months old...with only 11 days' notice. A week after she arrived in Iraq, this Navy doctor, former flight surgeon, and now psychologist experienced her unit being attacked. Several people were injured and several more died.

While in Irag, Heidi held the hand of a dying Marine, Cpl. Jason Dunham, who was later awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends and comrades. He was brought into the hospital assumed dead, but the mom in Heidi sensed otherwise, and she stood by his side until he squeezed her hand. Today, she is a close friend of Jason's mom.

Earlier in her Navy career, while on flight status, Heidi flew in nearly every aircraft in the Navy's and the Marine Corps' inventory, including logging more than 100 hours in the F/A-18 Hornet, primarily with Marine Corps squadrons. This Lt. Commander in the Navy chronicles her experiences in Rule Number Two: Lessons I Learned in a Combat Hospital (Little Brown & Company, 2007). Heidi will donate 10 percent of her royalties to the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund.

Today, back home in San Diego, after leaving active duty in 2005, she serves as the deputy coordinator for the U.S. Navy Combat Stress Control Program. I caught up with her recently over breakfast when she was in Chicago on a speaking tour. Meeting Heidi in person is like meeting your friend who just got back from a cruise with her kids and is sharing memories. She's real. She's authentic, and she's a mom who had to leave her own kids but was at the side (and still is) of hundreds of young men who needed her compassion and caring. read more...

Woman of the Week

Amanda Dolan

One to watch -- and she's anything but Crazy!

-April Daniels Hussar

Bright. Vibrant. Chaotic. Smart. Eclectic. Passionate.

Amanda Dolan has been called all of the above and more by critics and viewers alike. This dynamic young artist, hailing from the tony ‘burbs of Connecticut, has been making more than a splash on the NYC art scene. Her debut exhibit at the Ward Nassau Gallery on Prince Street was a great success, and resulted in a series of custom requests from collectors. More recently, Dolan's show Call Me Crazy at the same gallery featured a series of collage portraits of 15 legendary women who've been labeled "crazy" by History and Society... from Joan Crawford to Courtney Love; Betty Paige to Sylvia Plath. Dolan's work takes the viewer past our surface notions of these iconic women, and begs the question... what does "crazy" really mean? We caught up with this intriguing artist to pick her brain about life, art and what it means to be a "feminist" (or not) in the 21st century.

1. A piece of advice you give often is: "Don't take it all too seriously." How have you been able to live that advice and create a successful art career in a highly competitive city like NYC? Are you able to support yourself solely with your art?

Some people think artists have to be these dark, serious creatures all the time, and that's not me. I love to celebrate visuals, make the world pretty, inspire. Sure, sometimes my subject matter can be a bit melancholy, but I find not being so serious really helps break one's chains and free them. You'll get so much more if you let your inner demons go. The more relaxed you are, the more your art will shine through.

Art has always been in my bones. It was always a constant in my life, and making and creating came natural to me. I have never been too concerned about the difficulties of "breaking in." I simply believe that if I'm true and the work is good, it will speak for itself.

I am very fortunate to have amazing, loving and supportive parents. I am certainly on my way to supporting myself solely on art, but as we all know, that takes time and patience. So it's very nice and assuring to know that my parents are there when a little extra help is needed.

2. What was the inspiration behind your Call Me Crazy exhibit?

What I really wanted to do is shatter the "Crazy" label. I am so sick and tired of that word being thrown around at any girl that is emotional, raw, intense or quirky. That's why I included a self-portrait in the series; I am not a stranger to this name-calling! I really feel like we should celebrate the fact that women can be strange and chaotic - that's what makes them beautiful and courageous. When looking at my entire series I want the viewer to try to see the women portrayed as something other then just their "craziness." Each one of us is multi-layered and through this series I try to peel back every petal of personality.

3. Do you consider yourself "crazy"?

I consider myself "Eccentric." I follow my own heart; I don't really worry about how my decisions will be perceived. Life is too short to worry - I want to enjoy it, so I always trust my gut - even if my ideas are weird, or different then the norm. What's normal, anyways? I think, unfortunately, the word "crazy'" comes with bad connotations. So I prefer "kooky" "fun" or "creative." I think those words describe me much better! 

4. Would you say that you're a "feminist?" What do you think that word means today?

I have never thought of myself as a feminist. I'm not a man-hater either. Those words are just labels to me. I just consider myself a strong, empowered woman who wants to be treated with respect. Perhaps that's what being a feminist means? I don't know. I think the meaning of the word depends on each person's perspective. Like the word "crazy" - I don't concern myself with labels; they don't define me.

5. Who are some of your influences outside the art world?

Courtney Love. She has been my idol since I was 11 years old. She is such a powerful force. She taught me how to stand up and challenge the status quo, to never, ever, be afraid of challenges, and to empower myself and get what I want. I think she gets a bad rap because she isn't perfect. She's fallen, made mistakes, taken wrong turns and people hate her and judge her for that. I, on the other hand, adore her for that. Her imperfections make her human and palpable. She is real and relatable.

I am also more inspired by the obscure. I find much more inspiration in day-to-day things. Stuff like Rock ‘n' Roll, true love, going to see a local band play, how the sidewalk glitters in the sun; those types of things. From hot pink fingernails to a new pair of stilettos my influences vary day to day.

6. What's next?

Hopefully to have more shows - that way I can always inspire my viewers and make them feel something. I want to keep exploring the artistic abyss inside myself. I want to keep challenging myself in new ways. I know that if I keep pulling out emotions and transferring them onto canvas, more of the world will unfold in front of me!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A fashion designer and a veterinarian.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

All sorts. I was friends with the Homecoming King, but I also skipped gym class with the one guy at our school that had a mohawk.

3. What woman from the past do you most identify with?

My maternal Grandmother - she was a true Glamazon and born romantic, just like me!

4. What's your workout?

Let me just say, I HATE the gym. Walking the dog every day for an hour is good cardio; and I like to do aerobics in the privacy of my own living room! "Sweatin to The Oldies" DVDs are my favorite. Seriously, Richard Simmons rocks.

5. Cat or dog?

Dog - A French Bulldog named Pearl to be exact!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Get in my PJ's and watch Sex and the City reruns.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf, waiting to be read?

Quakeland by Francesca Lia Block.

 8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

Marie Antoinette - ‘cause her party would be glamorous and fabulous. And Courtney Love - ‘cause it would be a rockin' good time.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I wouldn't want any more girls to be called "Crazy" just because they follow the beat of their own drummer!

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I'm pretty content at the moment...perfection is overrated.

Find out more about this up and coming artist at amandadolan.com

Woman of the Week

Stephanie Klein

Straight-up honest

-Stephanie Elliot, aka Manic Mommy

With her recently released book Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp, Stephanie Klein has been touring the country making appearances and getting rave reviews from fans and critics alike. But long before any book deals, Klein was a blogger sharing her innermost thoughts with cyberspace. I've followed her blog, Greek Tragedy for years. So it was my great honor to meet her in person when she recently came to Chicago. I took my kids, and she was so incredibly gracious and funny and real - and besides answering my questions, she even signed their bodies in PERMANENT marker .

You are so shockingly honest in your writing. Is there anything you hold back on - that you're just not comfortable being that honest about?

I don't know if "comfortable" is the right word. I try not to write about Hollywood stuff, being recognized on the street, book deals, all that, mostly because it makes me come off as an asshole. I also don't write about it because people want to read things about which they can relate. If you're asking if anything is taboo? Not really, but eventually, as my children grow up, I don't think I'll write about them as much as it can often be a love letter to your children when you post things about them online; at a certain point, it's not my story to tell, even if it is my story.

Your readers range from infatuated fans to flaming critics. Do the negative comments affect you? And what's the worst comment anyone has ever made?

It's hard to find a winner for the worst comment. There are a few ties: "I hope you get cancer and don't find it until it's too late" ranks up there with "you cheap jew, are u kidding? u rave about this great blowout u got but ur looking for a replacement for $30? wtf? is ur husband a cheap hedgie? jew thru and thru....no trace of being a half-jew...ur a trip." The most offensive bit of the latter comment is the author didn't have the decency to spell "you."

How much fallout in your personal life is there from what you share on you blog and in your books? For example, does Phil [Klein's husband] or your mother ever read your blog and say, "I can't believe you would say that...."

Surprisingly, I never hear that. Phil knew what he was getting into when he met me, via my blog, and he has amazingly thick skin. Sometimes I feel a little tension over something I've written, but that usually dissipates.

Are you surprised by all of the media attention Moose is garnering, and why do you think fat camp is such a fascinating topic for people?

Childhood obesity is slathered across the news, so Moose is topical. I also think it's always fascinating to hear about the inner workings of a place from an insider. And coming-of-age stories true to that voice and time are so appealing, especially with the ability to read some adult insights on that tumultuous time.

If (your children) Abigail or Lucas develops a weight problem, would you consider sending her or him to fat camp?

It would depend on a lot of things: If they wanted to go, how old they are, which camp it was, and if they had room for me to be a counselor there! Woo hoo.

Do you have plans for any other books in the works?

Yes. In writing Moose, I realized how much I love returning to those Judy Blume moments in our lives, so my next book will be a young adult book about privileged girls forced against their will to join the Girl Scouts.

Rapid-Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A writer, or Orphan Annie.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

"Have-to-haves." The really smart kids.

3. What woman from the past do you most identify with?

Georgia O'Keeffe.

4. What's your workout?

Since running my mouth doesn't count, I'm hoping the way I chase my kids about does.

5. Cat or dog?

Puppies!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Take a shower.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf, waiting to be read?

A stack of old Sweet Valley High books.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

Oprah and Jon Stewart.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I don't want them to believe their self-worth has anything to do with how much boys like them.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

That I'd have time to be a full-time mom and a full-time writer, with time to cook elaborate meals, to decorate a beautifully appointed home and lots of time for back-to-back movie fests.

Woman of the Week

Joan Lunden

Joan's summer camp for women...guilt-free, me time!

-April Daniels Hussar

Seven kids, nearly twenty years on Good Morning America, numerous best-selling books, dozens of awards and honors, countless speaking engagements.... and Joan Lunden is just getting started! The latest endeavor for this modern day superwoman? A summer camp just for women. Called Camp Reveille, it's the latest element in Joan's mission to inspire and educate women about their own health, wellness, and the importance of finding balance in this hectic modern world. After seeing Joan speak at the recent It's My Turn Now event, I had the chance to catch up with her about Camp Reveille, her kids, and her life - including some truly fabulous advice and insight (some passed on from her own mentor, Barbara Walters).

You have three daughters in their 20's and two sets of young twins (five-year-olds Kate and Max and three-year-olds Kim and Jack). How is the experience of raising your youngest different from your experience as a first time mom?

Most people would imagine that it's a lot harder and more exhausting. I find it's exactly the opposite. I find it much less daunting... you've done it, you've been there, you understand it, everything kind of rolls off your back. I have a lot more patience now. I always tell a story... when Kim and Jack were born we had a party at our house, and I invited a lot of my friends - a lot of them are high powered, Type A, New York City women. They came in the front door and saw 20-month old Kate and Max running around, and they kind of put their hands up to their heads and said, oh I'm tired just looking at them! Aren't you going to be exhausted?! My caterers for the party all came in the back door, they were all French, and they all looked at the same little babies, the same children running around, and they said to me, you will never grow old! Just stop and think about how two different sets of eyes looked at the same thing, and one set saw it as exhausting and one saw it as exhilarating!

You've had such an incredible life and career... what is something you learned that you'd like to share with our Betty readers?

Always look at the positive in something that might seem like a negative. When I first started at GMA I was co-host with David Hartman. He was a big star, and I was "the female." This was the ‘70s - to say I was second banana was the understatement of the year. I was making a tenth of what he made. There was an understanding that I would not get the big stars, the big politicians, the world leaders. I was "relegated" (and I say that in quotes) to all those "woman" stories - like education, health, parenting, managing your home, managing your children. And you know what? When you left your TV in the morning... those were the things that people really cared about... A lot of women wrote to me back then saying, how dare they "relegate" you to just the woman's stories?! Well quite honestly I think that that, in and of itself, was one of the biggest components of my success. I think that doing those interviews endeared me to the public and I think that I was reporting things to them that they really cared about.

It's helped me to understand that you have to get past what seems like a negative. It's important for women.

How did you manage to balance the demands of your Good Morning America career and being a mom?

I established my priorities - I went to my boss and said I'm here one hundred and FIFTY percent, I will be on the road with you and I will always be in, on time. But there are a few things that I will tell you up front that are incredibly important to me and are nonnegotiable. I won't miss... really important things in my child's life. And that's going to be healthy for both you and me.

Bosses are incredibly thankful when you're forthright with them. They're used to men... men say what they want, they say what they need, and they say what they'll give ya. You have to figure out a way to be honest with your boss... and you have to honest with your husband, or your mate, and say, "we're both working, we need a plan." It'll never be equitable, the kids will always run to us when they fall down and skin their knees, but there has to be some equitable distribution. And if women don't do that, they'll just continue to be overwhelmed and everyone else in their home will just think that they're an irritable grump.

What's some of the best advice you've ever gotten?

Barbara Walters came in when I first started and she gave me a piece of advice that I've never forgotten. She said, if you fight for equality and buck the system and fight to get the big interviews right now, you're going to end up where your predecessor did - right out the door. But if you take all the small stories and you make then SHINE - you make them little gems, you will sustain, you will rise to the top. And once you do - don't wait for them to give you the big stories, go out and get them yourself. I have followed her advice, and it has proven incredibly successful. She also gave me the advice to send thank you notes. And not just thank you notes - If she sees that someone just opened on Broadway or has a new movie out, she sends them a letter saying congratulations. It's not just waiting to react to things, it's always looking at that big picture and saying, what is my end goal? What are the things I can do to reach that end goal? And what are some of the smaller things I might take on that someone else might say, why is she doing that? But I know why I'm doing it! Because it all helps me reach my end goal.

What do you see as one of the most important issues facing women today?

It's hard for women today - we have more choice but it also means we have more responsibility. In the 80's we were out there campaigning for more roles, more choice, more freedom. And in the 90's we got them! But we got them added to all of our old roles. Now the challenge is to figure out how do we do it all without feeling overwhelmed or guilty or inadequate. That is the dilemma of the modern woman.

Women have to consider themselves, their own health, and their own mental state important. They nurture everyone except themselves. If we don't take care of ourselves we are not going to be healthy, happy and competent as parents, as employees, as mates, as friends. If you're healthy, you're better in all of those roles. But women don't tend to nurture themselves. The weight creeps on, they start worrying about their health, women start getting undressed in the closet because they don't want to get undressed in front of their husbands, pretty soon they don't have sex with their husbands, and it just spirals down.

And it starts early.

Yes, it does. For many women it starts in the 20's, 30's. When I was 38 turning 39 I said, you can't go down that road... I went through one of those AHA moments. I said I've really got to commit to my own health if I want to be the kind of active, healthy person I want to be - I want to be a role model for my daughters. 20, 30 years from now I want to still be running in the race! I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines watching. So I made a huge commitment to my personal health... and literally changed my life. I wrote a book about it called Healthy Cooking. 

I learned so much - it was almost like I jumped in the pool and started saying to everyone, come on in the water's fine! I knew I had an opportunity to make a difference in other women's lives, to inspire others. 15 years ago or so I decided to act on that opportunity by writing books and speaking all around the country. A central message is creating balance: now that we have it all, how do we do it all? And the importance of committing to your health and happiness - helping [women] understand that their destiny is in their hands. All the studies show that your physical well-being is maybe 30% hereditary. The rest is in your hands. So if you want to be active, out playing tennis, or at least bending over and tying your own shoes when you're 70... you have to be doing something TODAY. How you're going to feel 20, 30 years from now is absolutely your call.

Camp Reveille sounds fabulous - what was the impetus behind starting it?

With all the running around, and doing all this speaking and writing about women's wellness... every summer I'd be up at this magnificent summer camp [run by my husband] - Camp Takajo in Naples Maine. All the campers go home in the beginning of August, and I said, you know something, women need a time out! I want to start a program where I can give women an opportunity to take a time out, guilt-free. I didn't want to make it any kind of boot camp. No expectations. I didn't want it to be too scheduled. Women live and die by their schedules. I wanted to make it all about choice. LOTS of choice.

My ultimate goal is to have women reconnect with their sense of play and reconnect to their commitment to themselves and their health. I felt if I could bring women together, everyone would share - because women are sharers - they would learn from each other, they would get support from each other. A big problem with women today is a sense of isolation. By coming together and sharing stories, it's my hope that that sense of isolation might be broken down. And, that in this very encouraging, safe environment, they will try new things, maybe challenge themselves a little. And I found that to be the case - out of 110 women, 71 women climbed the 50-foot climbing wall! I would never have predicted that!

How was the inaugural session last summer?

It was an amazing, fun time. At the end of the camp instead of doing some dumb survey, I handed out camp stationery, and had them write a letter home... it was the best thing I could have ever done. These letters were amazing. I learned so much from them. We had women ranging from 25 to 75. Many of the young women said they really learned a lot from listening to the older women. And many of the older women said to me that they were re-energized from being around the exuberance of the younger ones!

What's new this year?

We're adding more arts and crafts (jewelry-making was standing room only). Also - I have a skincare line with Dr. Howard Murad called Resurgence, which is being rolled out nationally this month. Together we are going to offer a Murad health spa at Camp this summer. That's going to be an amazing addition.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A doctor. My dad was a doctor. Right after I graduated from high school I worked in the hospital that he founded and I discovered I wasn't cut out for blood and stitches. But I still feel like I affect people's health in a positive way.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

That's a hard one... not shy kids. We were the ones out doing things all the time. Doers, achievers.

3. What women do you most identify with?

Barbara Walters has always been one of my role models. I identify with Oprah because we're both women committed to helping other women. At one time I was thinking of going into politics, and I've always greatly admired a number of different Congresswomen whom I've worked with - Pat Schroeder and Geraldine Ferraro - women who are making a difference in people's lives.

4. What's your workout?

I work out with a personal trainer - 8am three days a week. During the summer everything changes. I make my base in Maine, and my trainer comes 5 days a week. I incorporate all the other women at the camp - we climb mountains together, we go horseback riding, we create competitions. I enjoy hiking and being out in nature and I love tennis! I always say, you have to find that workout that you LIKE - because if you don't like it you're never gonna stick with it. And it's always fun if you can do it with someone. It really helps.

5. Cat or dog?

As a parent you always end up with your children's animals, so we have a little Yorkie named Stella right now. But I'm a pet lover and I've always had cats and dogs.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Read magazines. I'm a magazine junkie. Also a self-help junkie.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

I'm in the middle of reading Suze Ormon's book, Women and Money. And I'm just finishing up Bob Greene's book, The Best Life Diet.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would they be?

Hmmm.... Probably Bill Gates and Warren Buffet.

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Hopefully, infertility. That's the other dilemma of this generation.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

Nothing. I would change nothing about my life.

Come to Camp with Joan! This summer's session is August 21-24th - four days and three nights. For more information and to register, visit www.campreveille.com.

Woman of the Week

Mindy Tucker Fletcher

An inspired career

-The Bettys

Mindy Tucker Fletcher has a resume that reads like a who's who of the Republican Party. She began her career on Capitol Hill where she worked for Rep. Sam Johnson (R-TX) before becoming deputy communications director of the National Republican Congressional Committee. She worked for George W. Bush on his 1998 Texas gubernatorial reelection campaign and as national press secretary of the 2000 campaign, "Bush for President". From director of public affairs for the U.S. Department of Justice to communications director for the Republican National Committee and a host of other positions, she rose in Washington ranks before heading West, where she served as deputy chief of staff and deputy campaign manager for California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Most recently she started her own firm, Arrow Advisers, where she does strategic communications consulting for corporations and non-profits.

A few years ago, you stepped out of the spotlight of national politics to settle down in California. What was it like to make that transition?

I thought it would be easy, but in reality it did bring with it some challenges. For years I had been Mindy Tucker and defined by my career in Washington, D.C., in politics and government. All of a sudden I was in a new state, married, with a new last name and striving to redefine myself in a strange new world. It has taken me a few years to sort out how to still be myself in this new place, but I have found that you really learn who you are through a life change like this.

Your alma mater honored you with an Emerging Leader Award. Where did you hone your leadership skills?

I am still honing them every day. I had some incredible experiences along the way, starting in college that helped me learn leadership. The most effective tools and lessons I have learned have come from watching and listening to those around me. From my student activities adviser in college who taught me the value of writing thank you notes, to learning how to mentor and delegate from Karen Hughes on the 2000 presidential campaign, to watching Maria Shriver use her position as First Lady of California to improve the lives of people in our state. The world is full of great teachers if you pay attention.

You've held some very influential positions in state and national politics. What has been your favorite job and why?

Wow - tough question. Nothing will ever compare to the intensity I felt when I was the spokesperson for the United State Justice Department on September 11, 2001. I had the opportunity to work with some of the smartest attorneys in the country during a historic and important time for our country. It is hard to really choose a favorite, but I have truly loved the political campaigns I have worked on. In every one of them, I have worked for a cause I believed in, made lifelong friends and had a front row seat for history.

If you could spend the majority of your time attending to one issue what would it be and why?

Foster care, no question. I have seen the results of a system that fails the children it is supposed to be helping. From changing the perception of foster parents to raising the standards of care for the children in the system, I believe wholesale change is needed. I have watched some amazing people step in from non-profit organizations to fill the gaps left by government and they are doing a terrific job. But, we need stronger policies to protect the most vulnerable among us.

How would you advise a young woman who has an interest in going into politics (whether running for office or getting involved with public policy)?

Experience, experience, experience. No college major can prepare you for a career in politics. Experience is the key. Work and volunteer in politics and government. You will meet people and see the process in action. Nothing can replace this kind of on the job training. There are also some terrific programs for training women to get involved in politics such as the Marian Bergeson Series. If you are serious about a career in this area, invest in some solid political training from experts who have experience in the trenches. We need more women involved in politics so jump in and get involved!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10-years-old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Country and western singer

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

The girls from drill team

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Abigail Adams - she endured long periods of time away from her husband during a war, she was also a voice for women and involved in politics herself

4. What's your workout?

Walking the dogs every morning

5. Cat or dog?

DOGS!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune-out?

Watch mindless television

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Several - The Lost Apostle by Rena Pederson, Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, and Dead Certain by Robert Draper

8. If you could have dinner with any two people who would they be?

Singer Jennifer Nettles and author Janice Woods Windle

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Waiting too long to have babies only to learn they are too old

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I would move the states of Texas and California closer together so I could still have great weather, but also live closer to my family and friends back home.

Woman of the Week

Mazz Swift-Camlet

Living her childhood dream

-Nicole Christie

Mazz Swift-Camlet might be one of the few women in the world actually succeeding in the career she imagined for herself at the age of 10. Born and raised in Queens, she started playing violin at 6 and honed her craft at New York's LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts (yes, the Fame school), and then Juilliard. Her story - from playing in New York subways to traveling the world with an eclectic variety of musical projects - is captivating and inspiring. Just like the woman herself.

Music has been part of your life since a very young age, but you haven't always performed full-time. Tell us about your path.

I'm a classically trained violinist who left Juilliard in the middle of my third year to pursue a more organic approach to music making. I did a bit of traveling around the country and even quit playing for about two years. During that time, I moved into an intentional community of artists who were into using improvisation as the key to unlocking creative genius. It was exactly what I'd been looking for so I stayed for two more years. When I finally made it back to New York I - on a dare - started playing in the subway stations. Eventually I was making the same money as my day job in about half the hours, so I quit the job. Playing in public places was also the perfect transition to becoming a full-time professional musician - an Irish band I ended up playing with for three years found me in the subway at West 4th Street, and I went on my first professional trip out of the country with a woman I met while playing in Washington Square Park. Since then, I've been trying to meld all my experiences into a cohesive sound that I can call my own.

Describe your musical taste - favorite genres, favorite artists.

I'm completely enamored with Imogen Heap. I love that she can perform her material as a solo artist (with lots of electronic toys or maybe just playing the piano), and is also right at home on stage with a big rock band backing her up. I'm a huge Peter Gabriel fan - the man is a god. Jenny Scheinman is probably my biggest influence as a violinist. Stephane Grappelli and the Uptown String Quartet are responsible for me leaving Juilliard (you can do THAT with a VIOLIN?!). I really enjoy Bitch, Bjork, Mark Feldman, Regina Spektor, and Lily Allen. I'm also big into ska - The Selecter, The Specials, and The English Beat. And then there are my Irish favorites - Lunasa, fiddler Liz Carroll, and guitarist/singer John Doyle.

I'm a huge fan of Brazz Tree. How did you and your musical partner, Brad Hammonds, start collaborating? What is that process like?

In the beginning Brad would record guitar ideas for me to listen to at home and I'd decide if I wanted to sing or play over each idea. Then I'd bring my ideas back to him and we'd hash out arrangements together. It was like that for a while and then it morphed into us working together more in the moment. Now we're experimenting with writing songs separately and then coming together to put the finishing touches on it. It's important that the process changes each time in order to keep the writing fresh. Neither of us wants to put out a new record that sounds like the old one.

You write the lyrics for Brazz Tree's songs. Are there any particular life experiences or subjects that often inspire you to write?

As much as I'd like to be a well-rounded writer, I find myself constantly coming back to love and relationships! I'd say about 90% of my writing comes from personal experiences in relationships (mostly romantic, but not exclusively). There's something about the pain and also the triumph that really fascinates me about being intimately involved with another human being. It's the most confounding and satisfying thing one can do. It's much like playing the violin actually - all the love and hard work it takes (not to mention commitment!).

In addition to performing with Brazz Tree, you also perform solo, as well as with a number of ensembles. How is the experience as a solo artist different from being part of a band? Do you have a preference?

I think I actually prefer playing in a band - I really like to react to what people are doing around me. I find it's very easy to feed off other people's energy. That being said, I do like setting the vibe in a room and having complete control over it as a solo artist. If I think of the performance as an experiment and the performance space as a laboratory, then it's just an extension of what I do in the practice room alone - with people enjoying it as a bonus.

Tell us what a "typical" day in your life looks like.

Working as a freelance artist can make my schedule somewhat erratic; I'm always trying to find balance in my life. I start the day working on the computer: booking Brazz Tree, doing promotions for shows, answering e-mails, paying bills. I try and arrange rehearsals during the day (from noon on) because evenings are when the performances and recording sessions usually happen. I'll often end up having two rehearsals back to back because of the number of projects on my plate. At night, if I don't have a gig, I'm usually at the dojang practicing Hapkido - I try and do that at least three times a week. I've also been writing a lot of music lately - and for some reason I like to do that late into the night. Sometimes I'm particularly inspired by a show I've been to and want to work on an idea right away, so I'll sit down at the computer with my violin at 11:00 or 12:00 at night and work until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning - sometimes even later.

You also often collaborate with your husband, percussionist and producer Alan Swift-Camlet. How do manage the personal versus professional relationship?

Hmm - good question. I'll get back to you when I figure out how to do that!

Rapid Fire Questions

1.When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A famous violinist

2.What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

Metalheads and artsy weird types. But that was pretty much the scene at LaGuardia.

3.What women from the past do you most identify with?

No one is coming to mind. Does that make me a freak? I feel like I should say Harriet Tubman or Sojourner Truth or something...

4.What's your workout?

Hapkido (a Korean Martial Art), running, and weight lifting

5.Cat or dog?

Dog

6.What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Watch TV shows online - my hubby and I don't have cable

7.What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois

8.If you could have dinner with any two people, who would they be?

I have to pick only two?! OK, Peter Gabriel and Imogen Heap - but I'd rather collaborate with them than have dinner. Though perhaps some wine would be involved.

9.What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

This is just a wish and unfortunately it will not come true in the next generation - especially in the U.S. - but I would wish for them to never encounter racism.

10.If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

The feeling that I'm running out of time and screwing it all up!

Mazz has a packed performance schedule coming up - see her play May 31st & June 2nd at Banjo Jim's (NYC), June 4th at The Living Theatre (NYC), and more. Visit www.myspace.com/mazzmuzik for details.

Women of the Week

Still Hot

Authors dish on life postdivorce

-Julie Ryan Evans

Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing are coauthors of Still Hot, the Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite, and Happily Ever After, a hilarious look at life after divorce. They provide practical and amusing tips on everything from dealing with infidelity ("Your husband, the chick magnet") to the manhunt ("The widower: America's most wanted") to dating and having sex in the new millennium ("Losing your second virginity"). BettyConfidential.com recently caught up with the duo to probe a bit behind the pages.

In the introduction to Still Hot, you actually thank your exes for the "hilariously predictable behavior" that inspired the book. What is it that you think makes men cheat, and, earlier in your marriage, would you have ever seen this coming - or was it a total shock?

Linda: I think that many middle-aged men cheat in order to feel younger and more alive. This behavior has less to do with their wives and their relationships than with their own fear of decrepitude. I was blindsided by my husband's cheating, but later realized that I ignored years' worth of evidence. I actually thought it was normal that he spent all day every Saturday for two years holed up in his office with his 20-something intern.

Sue: When you've trusted someone for 25 years, you're amazingly blind to the signs. One woman told me that late one night she noticed her husband's cell phone buzzing with a text message. He'd left the phone by the bedside. She innocently picked it up and read "I love you." Assuming this was some kind of deranged stalker, she asked her husband with concern, "What crazy lunatic is writing that she loves you?" It didn't occur to her that it was his girlfriend!

What inspired you to move beyond commiserating with each other and actually write the book?

Sue: Surprisingly, as we compared our husbands' textbook behavior, as well as the cast of freaks we dated, not to mention our own confusion and craziness during it all, we found ourselves laughing. It must have been the combination of our experiences and our senses of humor. Pretty soon we were talking to other women who'd been through the same, and taking notes. When we had our first 10 pages, we actually thought we had a book! We decided to meet regularly and turn it into one.

Linda: We wrote the guidebook we wished someone had handed us when we were first falling down that rabbit hole into a world of strange and scary experiences.

What's some of the most important advice you have for women who find out their husbands are leaving them?

Linda: The most important advice we have for women who find out their husbands are leaving them is to realize that it is not their fault. The fact that the young guys at the office don't invite him along to happy hour and that he has more hair in his ears than on his head does not make you responsible for his quest to find eternal youth. But they do explain his misery.

Sue: Amen! Yet so many women blame themselves and get mired in analyzing what they did wrong, especially since the husband trumps up all kinds of lamebrained grievances at this point. My friend's ex told her that she didn't "jog fast enough." Another's husband complained that she never discussed the Spanish Civil War with him.

How do you maintain your sense of humor and self-confidence after being betrayed by your spouse?

Sue: I had a very wise shrink who helped me regain both, and two wonderfully supportive kids, good friends, the experience of writing the book and time. Just getting through it one day at a time. Eventually you rebuild your life, and you realize that you're capable of much more than you thought.

Linda: You start by letting your girlfriends force you to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and before you know it, one day - amazingly - you actually find yourself laughing again. And a glass of wine here and there helps!

Do you know if your exes have read the book? What kind of feedback have they provided?

Linda: There is no way my ex would read the book. I'm more curious to know if his new wife has been able to resist the urge!

Sue: My ex e-mailed me when he heard the book was coming out. He wanted to be assured that it wasn't a first-person tell-all about our marriage. Which it's not. Our book reflects nearly 100 women's experiences, which is why so many readers can relate to it.

Do either of you have plans to marry again, or are you too jaded to do it all again?

Linda: I'm not planning to re-marry but, for several years I have been enjoying a loving, live-in relationship with the man who is - who would have ever thought this was possible? - the love of my life. We both have children, and he has grandchildren. We enjoy each other and our families, and marriage seems extraneous right now, but I'm not jaded by my prior experience. If anything, I'm more open and grateful to have found such a satisfying relationship.

Sue: I'd love to find that guy, too, and I hope it happens for me someday. But I've come to realize that if it doesn't, I'll still have a happy and rewarding life.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Linda: Stand-up comic or artist.

Sue: I may have entertained fantasies of being a ballerina or an ice skater for about five minutes. I wasn't very ambitious at 10.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

Linda: Kids who hung out in the Friendly's parking lot, sitting on the hoods of cars and thinking we were sooo cool.

Sue: Smart kids. It was the late '60s, and we thought we were arty and intellectual. My high school boyfriend made a movie with his Super-8 camera of his grandmother in a suburban yard, set to Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Linda: Georgia O'Keefe, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, Queen Elizabeth I.

Sue: My mother.

4. What's your workout?

Linda: I was doing 12 flights of stairs in my apartment building, but that somehow led to messing up my hip and months of physical therapy, so now my workout is 20 minutes of stretching with my office colleagues during lunch.

Sue: I walk for an hour most days of the week.

5. Cat or dog?

Linda: Love both, but definitely a dog person - if somebody else will walk him.

Sue: Cocker spaniel - the worst!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Linda: I zone out by turning on the TV, and lose interest immediately - unless it's Masterpiece Theater - and I just "go internal."

Sue: I walk, listen to music, watch an old Woody Allen movie.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Linda: Piles of them, including The Ministry of Special Cases by Nathan Englander, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and The Odyssey.

Sue: Like Life, a short-story collection by Lorrie Moore.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would you choose?

Linda: Mick Jagger and my boyfriend.

Sue: John Updike and Mick Jagger, though not necessarily together.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Linda: I don't want the next generation of girls to worry about lack of money or power. I want them to feel confident that they can take care of themselves. I hope they will wait to marry the right person, but if it doesn't work out, I hope they will feel competent and attractive and not full of self-doubt.

Sue: I don't want them to feel that they can't make it without a man. It's great to fall in love and get married, but I'd like my daughter always to feel confident that she can take care of herself.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

Linda: I'd work way fewer hours.

Sue: I'm a full-time writer, and I work at home. I also live alone, so I spend a lot of time by myself. Though I see friends, it might be nice to be in a workplace with other people a few days a week.

Woman of the Week

Louise Sloan

Author of Knock Yourself Up

-April Daniels Hussar

Louise Sloan, author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell All Guide to Being a Single Mom, has been a writer and editor for more than 20 years. In June 2006, her life-long dream of becoming a mother came true when her son Scott was born. The journey she took to motherhood is chronicled in her book, along with the stories of women from across the country who ultimately agreed with Louise that "Love Makes a Family." Here she gives us her reaction to the Tina Fey blockbuster Baby Mama, and fills us in on life as a single mom by choice.

So, what did you think of Baby Mama?

(Laughing) It was the first movie I've seen in a theater since I had Scott, and it was not worth the $72 that I paid to see it. That [expense] is why I haven't seen a movie since I had him! I enjoyed it - it was funny, but I agreed with criticisms that it didn't have the emotional depth that takes a funny movie and makes it great. I found that kind of ridiculous because there's so much highly emotional stuff in the process of deciding to become a single mom.

They didn't really go into the real thought process Tina Fey's character would have gone through in deciding to become a single mother.

That really would have allowed them to go some places that would have made it a deeper movie, and her a more complex character. Obviously, in my book, there are all sorts of hilarious things that happen, but it's also really painful and emotional - both good and bad. If they had taken their inspiration a little bit more from the real women who do this they could have made it just as funny - but a more satisfying experience for the viewers.

How do you feel the Tina Fey character compares with the real-life women you interviewed for your book?

Obviously comedies trade in stereotype - and Tina Fey was really likeable - but she's this uptight businesswoman who forgot to have kids. And the uptight businesswoman stereotype - of the women that I interviewed, maybe one fits that description, but most of them aren't like that at all. The same old lame stereotype. Predictable.

What's your take on her line, "Some women got pregnant. I got promotions"?

That line it felt like it was written 20 years ago - so dated. On the plus side the movie never suggests that if she were a real woman she'd quit her job - that at least is progress.

Just one of the negative stereotypes that I've been hit with since the book came out is the idea that these are a bunch of rich women who don't give this a second thought, don't spend a moment thinking about what the impact might be on their future child; they just want to take their money and buy themselves a baby like they're buying a pair of designer shoes, some sort of lifestyle accessory. They didn't show [Tina Fey's character] even having any struggle.

One thing in the movie that I could relate to was all the unsolicited advice and comments you get when you're pregnant - people comparing, telling horror stories, guessing how far along you are or what you're having. Is that something that becomes more awkward when you're a single pregnant woman?

It's certainly awkward. Some women really had trouble with it and attempted to just say as little as possible, just say, "The dad's not involved." Personally I think it's so important to be open and honest from the beginning. Some women tell themselves they're being private because it's the child's decision, but what's the message when you're being private about the way they were conceived? It gives the idea there's something wrong. Ultimately it's about the mom's discomfort with the path they've chosen. I feel, and the experts I interviewed feel, it's really important for women to work through their own discomfort before they give a whiff it that to their kids.

How does being a single mom by choice compare with being a single mom not by choice-as a result of divorce, or an unplanned pregnancy, etc. - where there is a father in the picture?

I think [as a single-mom-by-choice] you're more prepared for it. Problems can arise from being a single mom if you weren't prepared to be the sole financial support to your child, and you didn't think in advance, "can I handle this alone, have I created the support system for myself?" Certainly many single moms do great no matter what the circumstances, but I do think that it's more difficult to be a single mom the old fashioned way.

Have you found that there's a distinction - like the alleged "war" between SAHMs and working moms?

Not really. I guess the difference, honestly, is that it's easier for them to date because they often have the built in babysitter of the ex. I knew three single moms before doing this, and I was very reassured because all of them have great new relationships. It didn't occur to me that they could have these great new relationships because they have the other parent as a babysitter!

Since the book has been published, has there been a lot of backlash?

Oh yes! You know, when I was doing research, I anticipated that I would talk to women who really struggled with negative attitudes toward their choice, and I didn't find that. Even in conservative cities and families I found that after perhaps an initial surprise there was a lot of support. So I was quite shocked when a Q&A went up on Salon.com [for example] and there was some really nasty stuff, like Scott's going to end up in jail and when he does I should be jailed as well.

How do you deal with something like that?

I knew that there were those ideas out there. It felt pretty awful really. I was very fearful in writing the book. I felt I was really exposing a lot of myself, exposing myself to attack. I knew it was a controversial topic. It was deeply scary. Ultimately I'm able to say, these people don't know me and they're reacting to this concept, not to me as a person or a mom.

The worst - someone called me the "poster girl for fatherless families." I grew up without a dad, I've done a lot of thinking about and working through that. That's not what this is about - becoming a single mom by choice doesn't mean you're anti-Dad - so that's very painful. Fortunately the research on donor-conceived kids who grew up without a father is very reassuring.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10-years-old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Probably a writer. A writer or a dancer.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

I definitely hung out with a broad variety, but I would say I tended toward the creative types and the slightly more rebellious ones.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Oh jeez. I don't think in those terms... The ones that are more independent and creative are the ones that I aspire to be like.

4. What's your workout?

The first answer is hefting a 30-pound toddler and groceries and God knows what else up and down three flights of stairs! I used to dance a lot before I had Scott, now I do mostly free weights in the gym, bike or the elliptical

5. Cat or dog?

Dog.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune-out?

Read. Dance is one of the things I'm passionate about, but that's not really about tuning out.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Gosh I wish I had an interesting answer for that. Oh that's just the sort of thing you want to have a good answer for!

8. If you could have dinner with any two people who would they be?

Oh for crying out loud... Actually, I'd really like to have dinner with my father.

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Sexist stereotypes about what their role should be. And I feel the same about boys.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I'd love to have a partner. I never wanted to do this alone. I feel my life is happy and complete - I'm not feeling that there any terrible gaping holes, but on the other hand I would really love to have a partner.

Woman of the Week

Gretchen Hitchner

From politics to party dresses, former politico pursues passion

-Olga Golovanova

After nearly a decade working in the hallowed halls of the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate, Gretchen Hitchner decided it was time for a change. Armed with nothing more than an idea, she set out to open the kind of clothing store she wanted to shop in. The result was Ginger - with branches in Bethesda, Md., and Winter Park, Fla. - which she runs with her business partner and sister-in-law, Aimee Hitchner (pictured), Gretchen is a great example of someone who had the courage to dive headfirst off the beaten career path and create her own.

What inspired you to make the transition and to go for it?

After working for almost a decade in politics, I was pretty disenchanted with the whole system. As a result, my career goals had changed. Instead of wanting to save the world, I wanted a job that would: 1) be fun and 2) allow me to be home with my kids. I had no idea whether the store would be successful, but my husband was very supportive and helped me realize the worst-case scenario was that the store wouldn't work out, and we could live with that.

That's a pretty big risk. How did you handle the fear and uncertainty?

The fear was intense for me because of the financial risks. But I minimized the risk as much as possible, and got as much information as I could. I saved my salary for an entire year before I opened my store, and that helped me build my cash reserves. I also interviewed as many people as I could in the industry. I found several boutique owners who were willing to share their information with me. One person gave me his business plan, which was incredibly helpful. I also snuck into a show with fake business cards. I had no idea what I was doing, but I discovered that I loved the business side of this process. Finding the location, researching the different lines, designing the store - it was all so exciting.

So are you glad you took the leap?

Clothes are much more fun than politics. What I love is finding the perfect dress or outfit for a customer, and watching her look in the mirror and feel great about herself. When you look good, you feel good. It's a small thing, but it's very rewarding to help someone feel good.

What kind of similarities do you find between the two career paths you've explored?

I've learned that what you say and how you say it are equally important. A little diplomacy can go a very long way.

And I've really approached the whole process like I would a big interview for my boss. I research the issues thoroughly, figure out the strategy that best matches my goals, and imagine every curveball that might come my way. In the end, I have to rely on a combination of knowledge, common sense and a positive outlook to make this work.

What's the most challenging part of running your own business?

Taking care of the rest of my life at the same time! I've got two toddlers at home, so when I'm with them I don't want to be cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. Balancing everything is tricky. I want the store to be successful, but I've got a family that's even more important.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

An astronaut.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

The rebellious sort!

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Moms of all types. There's a lot of pressure to have it all, and I'm realizing that being a mom always comes first. It's a challenge but definitely my most-favorite job.

4. What's your workout?

On a great day, a five-mile run.

5. Cat or dog?

Absolutely a dog!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

I watch the Food Network or read Us Weekly.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

The Tipping Point.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

I have been planning a girls' weekend for a long time with two of my best friends who live a little while away, and we all have so much going on that it just hasn't happened. I would love to get dressed up and go to a fabulous restaurant with them and just enjoy the evening.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

The constant body-image problems.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

See number nine.

Woman of the Week

Kari Ann Buckhold

A soldier's wife discusses her husband's deployment overseas and recent return

-Julie Ryan Evans

Kari Ann Buckhold is one of hundreds of thousands of U.S. women who have gone and are going it alone while their husbands serve overseas in military operations. Kari Ann's husband George, a Marine, was deployed not once, but twice--for seventh months at a time. The first time he was sent to Iraq, their son, also George, was only 1 ½ years old. Reunited just a few weeks ago, this Memorial Day will be especially meaningful for the Buckhold family.

While your husband was away in Iraq what was the hardest thing about daily life?

The hardest thing about daily life for me was being alone so much. Although I have my son, of course, I missed the adult conversations with my husband. I don't have family close by, either, which made it difficult at times for me.

Your son is 3 now, and in those years he hasn't had much of a chance to spend time with his father. Do they have a connection?

Yes, they do. He was able to speak to his father on the phone from Iraq regularly. His father also made him a video in Iraq (a video of himself) which our son watched all the time. He knew daddy went to work and would be back soon!

What were some of the most challenging issues you had to face while your husband was in Iraq?

I returned to work after being home with our son for about one and half years. That was tough for me dealing with the guilt I felt putting him back in daycare. It was a hard decision, but I feel it was the best for both of us!

Having one's husband away on a business trip for seven months would be tough, but to be constantly reminded that he may be a risk is unimaginable, how did you cope?

I prayed every night for my husband and all the troops' safe return. I really believe that they were being watched over. I was able to speak to my husband often, and he would reassure me that he was fine and made it safely back from his mission(s). I always had the support of family and friends, which I am so grateful for!

What was the reunion with your husband like?

The reunion was so incredibly emotional, it is hard to explain. Seeing my husband with our son again was the happiest moment for all of us! You anticipate the homecoming for so long, and when it finally arrives, the feelings of excitement and anticipation are so overwhelming. The best parts of having my husband back are seeing him interact with our son again. He has changed so much, and his dad is just learning his new habits, likes and dislikes over time. We are just so happy to have him back safely and to spend time as a family again!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A teacher

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

Mainly close friends, but I was friendly with all types

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

My grandmother (Memere) and my friend (and boss) Jane

4. What's your workout?

Walking and playing at the park with my son

5. Cat or dog?

Cat

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Take a long walk

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

A Thousand Splendid Suns

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would you choose?

My grandparents that passed before I met them

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

To be happy and grateful for what you have

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

Do more to help others

Woman of the Week

Gloria Allred

Continuing the fight for women's rights

-Julie Ryan Evans

Gloria Allred isn't one to shy away from the limelight or avoid the tough issues. From representing Paula Jones in her sexual harassment case against Bill Clinton to suing Kmart for having separate sections for boys' and girls' toys and bringing a case against the Boy Scouts for not admitting a girl, she has been involved in some of the most well-known and impactful legal battles of our time. BettyConfidential.com recently caught up with the famous advocate for social justice to learn more about what drives her.

We think of you as being so brave and taking on the hard fights. What makes you fearful?

I'm not fearful. I'm optimistic. Fear is a luxury that I can't afford, and I don't indulge myself in that. I'd rather have the other side be fearful. My clients need someone strong, someone who is action-oriented, someone who is goal-oriented. So "fear" is not in my vocabulary. I prefer the word "fearless" to "fearful."

Much of the work you take on is in support of women's rights. What are your goals to help women today?

Women are often in less-powerful positions in their relationships in their families, in their workplaces, even politically. I'd like to improve the balance of power so that it's equal. I think that the imbalance can be dangerous to a woman's economic health, political health, legal health and physical health. That's the whole goal of the women's movement to help to bring women into the mainstream of American life in equal partnership with men in each and every aspect of life.

Many young women today are socialized to believe that they will grow up, find Prince Charming and live happily after. We always say the women's movement is about what if Prince Charming never comes, or what if he comes and leaves, or what if he turns into a frog. Or what if princess charming never comes? That's what the women's movement is all about.

What do you consider the single most pressing civil rights issue affecting women today?

I would say who will be the next president, because the next president of the United States will be able to nominate justices to the U.S. Supreme Court should there be vacancies during his or her term - vacancies created either by the retirement of a justice or, heaven forbid, the death of a justice. It's likely, because of the age of the current justices, that there will be one or more, probably more than one, vacancies in the term of the next president. And there are many civil rights issues that hang by a thread of one-vote margin - such as the right to choose abortion in the United States, the right to have it legal, safe, affordable and available.

Roe v. Wade hangs by a one-vote thread. So, should the court change - and it already has - but if it should, even for the worse, we could lose the right to choose abortion. Or the trend could continue in which that right is severely eroded, if not eliminated. That's the preeminent issue.

That's why we must have a Democratic nominee elected to the presidency. Both Hillary and Barack are pro-choice; McCain is clearly against women having the right to legalized abortion. He has indicated he would support the appointment of justices like Scalia, and Scalia is anti-choice. In other words, he would return the issue to the states and allow states to criminalize abortion, as they could before 1973.

So I think it's really important that we elect a Democrat to the president of the United States on the issue of reproductive rights as well as other civil rights issues - affirmative action, discrimination in employment on account of sex, race, age, nationality, physical handicap, national origin, AIDS status or sexual orientation - those would be some of my concerns.

How would you say the landscape of law for women has changed over the years?

It's better because there are more women lawyers; there are more women judges; there are women on boards, commissions, agencies, in the legislatures, in the U.S. Congress, and now, finally, a woman who is running to the be the nominee of a major political party for president of the United Sates. So it's changed, but there's still a long way to go.

There are still not enough women who are partners in law firms. There still are not enough women who are judges, who are on boards, commissions and agencies, not enough women governors, relatively few women attorney generals. So, yes, we have a long, long way to go, and we need more women to consider running for political office and becoming attorneys.

What has inspired you to fight this fight?

My own life experience and knowing that I have the opportunity to help; and I have the desire to help, and I have the ability to help. Therefore the only moral choice I could make is to help women to service their rights and then to pass it on to others. Which is what the suffragists did-to show women that they can fight back against the rich, the powerful and the famous and the injustice. And that they can win.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I don't really remember, to tell you the truth. I would be guessing.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

I don't know if it was a crowd. I went to an all-girl, all-academics public high school in Philadelphia. We worked very hard, didn't have too much time for hanging out. We really didn't. We had a lot of homework. But it wasn't all work. I was a cheerleader, class treasurer. You know, I went out with boys. I rode my bicycle, played Scrabble, played jacks. But mostly focused on doing as well as I could in high school so I could get into college.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

The suffragists. Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton...

4. What's your workout?

I plead guilty to not working out anything other than my mouth. I have no defense to the failure to workout. I know I should. I guess I should be sentenced to a workout, but there's nobody there to enforce it.

5. Cat or dog?

I don't have either.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Go to the movies.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

I don't think I can answer that.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would they be?

I don't have special people I'd like to have dinner with. I always like to have dinner with my family.

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I would like them not to have to encounter violence against women, economic discrimination, sexual harassment, the inability to support their children, discrimination of work or in education or in sports. I would want them to have equality in each and every aspect of life ... at home, at work, everywhere. And I would like them to be able to enjoy the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution so that they will have, ingrained into and memorialized into the Constitution, the right to equal rights under the law.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I'm really very future-oriented; I don't think about what I could've changed in the past. I think that whatever happened perhaps has happened for a reason and I've learned something important from it that I've been able to use to help others.

 Woman of the Week

Rebecca Murman

Meeting the challenges of autism

-Julie Ryan Evans

Rebecca Murman is the mother of Maya, a neurotypical 3-year-old, and Noah, a 6-year-old with autism. She, like hundreds of thousands of women, is meeting the challenges of this disease that, for whatever reason, chose her family.

How old was your son, Noah, when you learned he was autistic?

Noah was 18 months old when his pediatrician alerted us. My mom (who works with special-needs kids) let us know her concerns at around 15 months - but in retrospect, I needed to hear it from a third party to have it sink in. After that doctor's appointment, we immediately looked up the signs of autism, and we knew. We got on a waiting list for a clinic to diagnose it, and we jumped into treatment. When it was officially diagnosed by Children's Hospital, we were not at all surprised, and we just kept working hard at helping him. We are so thankful that it was caught early so we could start helping him. That's made all the difference.

What was your initial reaction, and how has your reaction to and acceptance of the diagnosis evolved over the years?

Those early months were such a blur. It felt like we were thrown into cold water -your mind stops, and you do what you can to survive. I went into action mode for the next two years, taking him daily to intensive speech/ABA therapy. After we moved to a better school district and life slowed down, I became painfully aware that I was being shadowed by grief. I did something that turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made: I decided to stop running and just sit with the grief. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through, but the rest of my life depended on my doing this one act: of giving grief the space that it deserved.

After a year, I felt my sadness lifting; I had mourned for the son that I would never have, and I was ready to move forward and dream new dreams for my beloved son. I learned that grief is cyclical; it visits me every so often. I welcome it, sit with it and know that it will be on its way soon enough. In the meantime, Noah has made steady improvement, and we have celebrated every step of the way. They have been tiny incremental improvements, but they are plentiful and joyous. His dad and I are his number one fans, and he is loved by a great many people.

What's the biggest challenge that autism has presented your family, and how have you met the challenge?

There are challenges on so many levels. It's a challenge to feel judged as a parent by my son's odd behaviors. It's a challenge to remember that our neurotypical daughter needs just as much effort and attention. It's a challenge to educate people. It's a challenge to keep up on his biomedical supplements and keep him away from wheat. It's a challenge to facilitate his programs with his school and therapists and keep everyone on the same page. It makes me angry that many in our culture feel that our children have less worth because of a neurological disorder they didn't ask for. It's exhausting to try to predict what pitfalls wait for us in seemingly benign situations, like a trip to the ice cream store only to find they're all out of his favorite flavor. It's a challenge not to worry like hell about the future.

But I'm in a good place right now. I feel strong and supported as a mother. I realized that I felt very alone, so I worked hard to meet other moms in the same boat. That effort paid off - I have made incredible friendships with other kindred spirits who are taking the same journey, and the immense compassion and lack of judgment they have - well, I can say that being so humbled makes you into a much better person. To those who are also moms of children on the spectrum: Do what you can do reach out to other parents. They're feeling alone, too, and you need each other.

There are so many blessings that have come from all this. I am keenly aware of what is really important, simply because I don't have the time and energy to waste on trivial matters. I work hard to exercise and be healthy, because I want to be here for my children as long as possible. I am an informed, strong advocate for both of my children. I have learned to really listen; to be nonjudgmental for those who are different from me; and there is a depth to my life that was never there before my son's diagnosis. There's no more going through life on autopilot.

We know the issue of a correlation between vaccines and autism is a controversial one; where do you stand?

I have no idea what causes autism - that's the million-dollar question. But I don't believe for a minute that the obscene increase to one in 150 children having autism is due to better diagnosing. I believe wholeheartedly that some children are born genetically predisposed, and something is the trigger - whether that's toxins in our environment, thimerosal in the flu shot I got when I was pregnant with him, or the mercury in my dental fillings that got passed along to him. Most likely, it's a combination of several factors. What I'd like to see are nonpartisan inquiries into the toxicity of vaccines, with no ties whatsoever to the government or to the pharmaceutical industry.

What does the future look like for Noah and for your family?

We are very lucky to have a strong marriage and a close-knit family who loves Noah unconditionally. The future for us all is not known, but I will tell you this: We will ride into the future together as a family who love each other unconditionally. And from love, all else flows.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A neonatologist. Because I liked that word.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

An eclectic group, reminiscent of my friendships today.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Any number of women who found their way in the face of adversity.

4. What's your workout?

Three times a week at the gym (cardio and weights), plus a personal trainer once a week.

5. Cat or dog?

Dog, for sure. I'm allergic to cats.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Nap.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety by Judith Warner and The New Kitchen Garden by Anna Pavord.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would you choose?

I would love to dine with my deceased grandparents, one of whom died before I was born.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I want them to experience a strong sense of self - trusting themselves, being intimate with their own moral compass. That feeds into every decision we make.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

My coping mechanisms, many of which are woefully outdated.

Woman of the Week

Leslie Sagalowicz Barber

Horse pills and hunger served as inspiration for Bellybar

-Julie Ryan Evans

Leslie Sagalowicz Barber had an impressive career that included work for large corporations, nonprofits and political causes. But in 2004 she decided to strike out on her own, and with friend and business colleague, Meredith Lincoln, founded NutraBella, a company focused on providing natural, portable foods that meet the nutritional needs of women who are trying to conceive, pregnant or breastfeeding. One of their most popular products is the Bellybar, which has been featured everywhere from the Today show to FitPregnancy magazine.

BettyConfidential.com recently caught up with Barber to find out more about the inspiration behind the products and determination and aspirations behind this cofounder.

How did you get the idea for Bellybar?

My business partner, Meredith Lincoln, and I hit our 30s, and everyone around us was having babies. And they kept complaining about two things: the "horse pill" and an overwhelming hunger that would hit them unexpectedly. We heard these complaints again and again. The problem fell in our laps because we were listening to our girlfriends. At the time, Meredith and I were competing in a triathlon together, and we were eating lots of bars. One day, Meredith had the idea to create a delicious bar that was packed with key prenatal vitamins. We wanted to give women an option to get those important nutrients so they could keep their focus on enjoying pregnancy instead of worrying about getting the right vitamins in their diet. After market research confirmed our ideas, we launched Bellybar.

What was the biggest challenge in carrying the idea to fruition?

The biggest challenge for most people is taking that first step toward starting a business. I have a very high tolerance for risk - that first step was easy for me because I believed so passionately in what we are doing. I wanted to help women and to make their pregnancies easier if I could. Having gone to a women's college, I was always very interested in women's issues. Many of the women I met felt such guilt if they couldn't swallow a prenatal vitamin while pregnant. I just thought it was time to stop the guilt, and I knew passionately that Bellybar could do the trick.

I also knew that with Meredith as my partner, we could do anything. So, for me, I have found that starting NutraBella is more like a series of challenges - not just one big one. And the challenges occur daily. We joke that there is never a dull moment at NutraBella. Just when I get on top of my to-do list, something happens to throw us all off kilter. That's business and it's what makes it exciting. The challenges never cease. But I have an amazing partner and a terrific team who make solving the challenges very fun.

How has being a woman affected your career? Do you feel business today is a level playing field for both sexes? If not, what disparity have you seen?

In many ways, the characteristics I have that are generally known to be female have helped me in business - multitasking, empathizing, nurturing, encouraging. All of these typically female characteristics have made me a better manager, leader and partner. I see a lot of successful female entrepreneurs working together to better each other's businesses - we're better at accepting the concept that it takes a village to build a business. I do think that today, women can do anything they set their minds to. Will it be as easy as it might be for a man? No. But we're strong, and we can persevere. So, with our strength and ability to multitask, I do think we get closer to leveling the playing field. I would still like to see a lot more women in CEO positions and in the boardroom. That playing field is not equal yet.

Do you have children? How do you balance your career and family life?

Actually, I am pregnant with our first child, who's due in July. I barely succeed at balancing my own life, so I'm not exactly sure how balance will work with a child. It's not easy when you own the company; my friends easily take three to four months of maternity leave. That option won't be possible for me, so I'm thinking a lot about balance and how it will work. A lot of my friends work and have kids, so I've been consulting them. It sounds like a daily struggle but one that is well worth it on all fronts. I feel very supported by my husband, friends and family, so I'm hopeful that I will find a balance once this little one enters our life.

What are your future aspirations for NutraBella?

Right now, we're very focused on growing the Bellybar product line. We just launched a new product, Bellybar Chews. It's a great way for women to get more DHA (one of the omega-3s that is critical for fetal brain development) into their diet. And we're launching Bellybar Shakes in a month to give women options for hydration, DHA, protein and fiber. Bellybar is just at the tip of the iceberg in terms of growth and awareness. So, this venture is keeping me very busy!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Toss-up between the president of the United States or Madonna.

2. What was your high school identity or clique?

I was an athlete - played soccer and tennis. But I was also pretty good in school. So, I tended to have lots of friends from different walks of life. No clique in particular.

3. What's your favorite indulgence?

Mocha-chip ice cream on a warm brownie.

4. What's your drink of choice?

Normally, Kahlúa on the rocks. Right now, a tall glass of icy water makes me very happy.

5. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

Right now, I'd give anything to sleep through the night! I guess pregnancy really does prepare women for motherhood.

6. What's the next book you want to read?

Madeleine Albright's Memo to the Next President.

7. How do you relax?

Restorative yoga, a long walk and a foot massage from my husband.

8. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

The last ultrasound of our baby.

9. What's your favorite meal?

Any meal with my dearest friends around me.

10. Who knows you best?

Me.