Dollar-Menu Sex

 In her Words Dollar-Menu Sex What McDonald’s and my sex life have in common -Stephanie Elliot Most of the time, my husband and I have dollar-menu sex. It’s hot, cheap, quick and easy. There’s not a lot of variety, but you know what you’re going to get, and you’re okay with it. With dollar-menu sex, […]

 In her Words

Dollar-Menu Sex

What McDonald’s and my sex life have in common

-Stephanie Elliot

Most of the time, my husband and I have dollar-menu sex.

It’s hot, cheap, quick and easy.

There’s not a lot of variety, but you know what you’re going to get, and you’re okay with it. With dollar-menu sex, you’ve ordered enough times to know you’re going to get something you’ll like. And with three kids to worry about, getting it quick is the all-important.

You can’t be too choosy. You can’t say, “I want a double cheeseburger without onions, ketchup only.” You have to take what they throw at you, onions, pickles and all. And you have to like it, or maybe they’ll discontinue the dollar menu. It’s been known to happen.

It’s not all the time, dollar-menu sex, because even the quickies would get old. There are only so many things you can order. But if there’s no time to plan, and you need to feed that libido, and you’re hungry for it, well, the dollar menu is the way to go.

You might get an occasional craving for filet mignon sex, right? This takes some thought, some planning, some discussion. How are you going to get this filet mignon? Who’s going to watch the kids while you have filet mignon? Will the filet mignon arrive a la carte, or will you maybe get a nice creamy potato side dish with it? A glass of merlot? And for dessert, a molten chocolate cake with a warm center?

See how much trouble that is? It sounds delectable, the filet mignon sex, but consider all the work involved. It can be exhausting! The orchestrating, organizing, all for generally the same thing – something that’s going to be really, really good, whether it comes from the dollar menu or breaks the bank.

So you see, I’m a huge fan of the dollar menu. I’m not a big planner. I have three kids, and there’s not a lot of time to do much of anything. So the hot, cheap, quick-and-easy way is the way for me. And, yes, every now and then, when Hubby’s out of town or not feeling up to the dollar menu, I have been known to hit the drive-through alone.


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