What not to wear-for real!
It’s Fashion Week here in New York City, and let’s face it – most of us don’t have the wallet power to purchase couture. So in the interest of making ourselves feel better about not being able to afford flowy dresses and sky-high Louboutins, let’s focus on some items of clothing that we’ll happily not waste our hard-earned money on.
These map-of-LA leggings. This item of clothing pretty much covers all aspects of what not to wear. Unflattering color? Check. Cut that only the most anorexic among us could rock? Check. Hideous print? Double check.
Michael Jackson’s used underpants. Collected during his kiddie molestation trial, these manties were used to retrieve a DNA sample. Luckily for my unborn children’s college funds, bidding starts at one million smackeroos, so I won’t be tempted to bring them back to my house.
One-shouldered anything. Can we please declare a moratorium on the uni-shoulder? I don’t know about you, but I either want both shoulders bare, or neither. Symmetry, people! Symmetry!
Jazz shoes. These things also enjoyed a brief moment of inexplicable popularity in the ’80s, but unless you are a jazz dancer (and I know a lot of people, but I don’t know any jazz dancers), steer clear of this breed of fugly footwear. Well, unless you want to look like an All that Jazz outcast.
The romper. Much like its name implies, the only room where a romper can be considered appropriate attire is one littered with Legos and nap mats. Ladies, leave this one to the toddlers.
High-waisted jeans. Yes, they will be ubiquitous this fall, so we’re not completely writing off this trend, but we are issuing a warning. First of all, if you have any tummy pooch at all, you’re going to look preggers. Second, when trying on, make sure you stare long and hard at the crotch area before you bust out the Amex, because these jeans can easily give you the toe that is camel. And that ladies, is a definite no.