Guys Answer: Why Your Ex-Boyfriend's Friends Won't Talk To You Anymore

Getting the cold shoulder from your ex's pals after you breakup? Real guys tell us why!
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Guys Answer: Why Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Friends Won’t Talk To You Anymore

Getting the cold shoulder from your ex’s pals after you breakup? Real guys tell us why!

-Justin DeMarco

 ex-boyfriend's friends

Break-ups are messy, especially when the friendship fallout happens and sides are chosen. Although you may have hung out with your ex-boyfriend’s friends while you were dating him, chances are, if you two split, he is taking his entourage with him.

One of my best male friends from college dated this awesome girl freshman year to the end of junior year. When their relationship ended, I stopped talking to my buddy’s ex-girlfriend. I’d say “Hi” to her if I saw her on the street senior year or at a party, but it was always a hug and a “See Ya Later” once she was no longer his girl.

 I figured I knew him first and he needed to know I supported him and his decision. She became a good friend of mine during those three years they were dating, but it felt wrong to keep talking to her or seeing her. It came down to a respect issue for me and I decided to protect my friendship with him.

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Then the two rekindled their feelings a month before graduation and everything went back to normal in terms of our friendship. The three of us acted like no time was lost at all.  If anything, my relationship with her grew stronger post-college since she lived in New York City too and he lived out of town. The three of us were back. Reunited. That was until they broke up again. When the second breakup happened, she and I just stopped talking. I stopped calling her and she stopped calling me. It was tough.

With my own ex-girlfriend it was an easy call for my guy friends. They hated her. I knew it and she knew it, even though I still tried to convince my ex that my friends liked her. So, when the two of us ended things my friends were happy they didn’t have to see her anymore and I’m sure she was happy she didn’t have to see them (and probably me) anymore, either. It all worked out.

But what if you really liked a friend of your ex-boyfriend’s, is there any chance your friendship still stands a chance after a breakup with his friend?

“Typically, it’s s a package deal and the breakup is not just the couple, but the shared friends as well. Real buddies have each other’s backs in any circumstance and the idea of staying close with his ex, especially without him knowing, is out of the question,” Booth, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, says. “Even if my buddy seems cool with my having a friendship with an ex, chances are he’s not. The reason I say that is because a lot of times guys will take the ‘high road’ just because they don’t want to appear insecure in front of their guy friends. But real buddies understand that about each other and there’s an unspoken respect thing that puts the brakes on any post-breakup friendship.”

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0 thoughts on “Guys Answer: Why Your Ex-Boyfriend's Friends Won't Talk To You Anymore

  1. It’s a shame that this happens, especially if you’ve been dating the person for a long time. His friends become your friends, so when you breakup, you’re not losing just him – a bunch more people are leaving your life. It’s sad.

  2. This actually goes both ways, although not for the When Harry Met Sally reason. It’s quite 8th grade, but if a guy becomes friends with his girlfriend’s pals, those friends will most likely disappear if they break up. From what I’ve encountered, for women, it’s a case of girl solidarity. I was friends with her first, and she’s hurting because of him, so I can’t be his friend without appearing disloyal.

  3. Ugh! This is definitely a tough one; I recently learned that guy friends and boyfriends come in packages like that…

    I still hang out with my ex though since he’s still my best friend–weird, isn’t it? Things will all end in tears after this, but the insight in this article really hits the spot. Sad stuff~

  4. Yeah I think it’s kinda weird how girlfriends of friends will often try to become closer friends with me as soon as they break up. Being friends with Ex’s friends is messy and a lot of work. Why would you choose to try to strengthen the friendship then?

  5. That is such a childish and immature perspective, but typical of guys. If someone wants to be a real friend and not just an acquaintance thru a third party with you, why not? It’s only until you find yourself in the middle of circumstances where you have no friends do you wish you thought twice about turning them away.

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