ASK REAL GUYS
His mother is meddling in our relationship
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I dated this guy, Dave, for nine months. With the exception of his mother, we had the perfect relationship. His mother was very intrusive and demanding on his decisions and his time. I’ve known him my entire life, although we just started dating in the last year. He has a rep to be a mama’s boy, meaning it has been said that he has allowed his mother to come between him and his girlfriends and destroy relationship after relationship.
Dave is a 44-year-old man that is living at home with his mother after an accident at work where he is fighting to be compensated. He feels responsible for his mother and takes it to an extreme because he promised his dad that he’d take care of her when he was on his death bed. Sometimes they have reverse roles where he is the parent and she is the child. She does have health problems, but is very capable of taking care of herself.
Anyway, he let me down one day – big time – and I exploded. I yelled at him, even told him I hated him. Everything was said out of total disappointment, anger and hurt feelings. I tried and tried to call him back when I calmed down, but he didn’t answer. I went to his house that night, and we did manage to talk a little bit, but his mother kept interrupting us. She kept saying that she thought we needed to take a break from each other. When I left him that night, I asked him what he wanted to do. He told me that he loved me and kissed me! He did so with much passion, and I truly believed him. Four hours later he was unreachable. Two days later when I did reach him, he told me that he needed “time and space”. At first, I tried to talk to him. I called him; I tried to be places I thought he’d be at. I’ve since stopped this, but I still love this man! We even met in the grocery store parking lot where he stood in the rain for two hours talking to me as I sat in my car. He has been caught driving past my new place – sometimes I believe he has reason to do so, but other times I think he’s doing it to just check on me.
My questions are this – when a man says he needs time and space to justify things in his mind, is he really doing this? Is there a chance he’ll come back and try to work on things? I don’t understand why he would meet me and talk to me for hours if he doesn’t really have feelings for me. Is it possible for a man to just instantly turn off his feelings toward a woman?
One more thing – he tells me one thing and tells other people something different. For instance, he tells me things that give me hope (maybe false hope), but then tells a mutual friend of ours that talks to his mother and sister that he’s done and washing his hands of me.
Avery: You have been in a relationship with your boyfriend AND his mother and that will not change. This man is not strong enough to have a relationship with you, with any real independence from his mother or her influence. Your relationship with him is going nowhere, and the fact that he’s telling different things to different people shows that you can’t depend on him for a straight answer. My advice: MOVE ON and don’t look back; it’ll only give you heartache.