How to Date an Older Woman
LOL tips for May-December relationships
Attention, MILF shoppers! Older women for sale on aisle three!
Boy toys everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief now that Yahoo! Personals has created a tip sheet for hooking up with mature mamas.
The hysterically self-serious guide offers somber advice for dating older dames. It was written by Tina B. Tessina, (drumroll), Ph.D.
Yes, folks, Dr. T.T. is a doctor, so try not to laugh at tip number three: “Stay Calm.” It’s advice you’d normally hear during a hotel fire or bear attack, but she applies it to that most dangerous of wild animals – the sexually active older woman.
“You may be excited, but don’t overdo it. Have fun and enjoy your dates, but don’t come on too strong.”
Or what? The maturus womanus will maul you and leave you for dead?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for December-May relations, any way you want to slice the seasons. Guys – you want to diddle Demi? Rock Mrs. Robinson’s world? Give Stifler’s mom your own stiff drink? Gold star for you.
(Did you know that every time a young guy makes out with an older lady, Susan Sarandon gets her wings?)
So why does Dr. T.T. treat these hook-ups like a Very Serious After School Special?
Tip number five is straight out of Condescension College: “Don’t focus on looks.”
“Give complements [sic], but focus less on her physical appearance — she may be anxious about it. And even if you’re complimentary, she may worry that you’re too focused on looks,” writes the good doctor. “Compliments like ‘That color is lovely on you,’… are safer than ‘You’re in great shape.'”
Right. Because older women hate being told they look good.