The Tipping List
How to Fake a Busy Day
Tips and tricks from manic mommy
Yes, we SAHMs are busy, but there are some days, when, well, 5:00 may roll around and you may look around the house and wonder, “What DID I do all day?”
Worse yet, your spouse may come home and wonder the same thing.
In a pinch, here are some tips to get the house in “I’m-exhausted-and-really-worked-all-day” shape:
1. When you hear the garage door open, signaling that your husband is home from a hard day at the office, grab the Pledge – or other lemony-friendly scented cleaning product – and lightly spray it into the air to give off the scent of clean.
2. Place a few drops of blue or green food coloring into the toilet bowls. He’ll think you’ve scrubbed them and then placed those neat little self-dissolving bricks into the tank. (Note: Do not use yellow food coloring drops – this defeats the purpose of a fake clean toilet.)
3. Like me, if you loathe the vacuum, simply take it out (if you know where it is), and vacuum a room you don’t use. This takes all of about five minutes. You don’t have to suck up dirt and crumbs. The goal is to make it look like you’ve sucked up dirt and crumbs. He’ll see the vacuum lines and think you’ve done the whole house. Sprinkle a little Carpet Fresh on your tiny section to deodorize. A little goes a long way.
4. Laundry: Do you go into convulsions at the thought of doing the laundry? I absolutely hate laundry and avoid it as much as possible. Well, I don’t mind the washing and drying parts. It’s the folding and putting away steps that kill me! I mean, what is the point of putting clothes away in order to take them out of drawers later? I will NEVER understand this one. But, in order to keep my marriage (and the laundry) fresh and steamy, I will do the laundry when it absolutely mandates it. Then, I will throw all of the clothes on the spare bed in the guest room and shut the door, where it will stay for a few days. I will then do a quick “Husband Drawer Check.” If he’s low on white T-shirts, underwear and socks, I will scour the pile searching for JUST those items, fold only HIS clothes and neatly put them into his drawers. There. He thinks I’ve done all of the laundry!
5. Ten minutes prior to his arrival, turn on the dishwasher. It doesn’t matter if there are dishes inside. You can also use this ploy with the washer and dryer. As long as these appliances are RUNNING, he will think you have done the dishes and are in the process of doing laundry!
6. Have a drink and a snack waiting for your husband. Some carrot sticks, celery and maybe some cheese and crackers, and he will think you are the best thing since the invention of Red Bull and vodka! As a matter of fact, have a Red Bull and vodka ready for him and his evening just got ten times better. That dusty windowsill? What dusty windowsill?! EXACTLY! He won’t notice it!
7. No time to think about what to have for dinner? Not a problem! OK, this one is a problem, but you can just do a Vanna White flip of the hand and say, “Honey, look at this house and how clean it is! Do you think I have time to do all of this AND make dinner. Take me out! I’ve worked hard all day too!
Stephanie Elliot really is a hardworking, house-cleaning mother of three, in case her husband asks. You can read her blog at www.manicmommy.blogspot.com.