How to Read Your Partner’s Mind

Is it really mind reading or just a simple pattern of affection?

How to Read Your Partner’s Mind

Is it really mind reading or just a simple pattern of affection?

Fortune teller

It always seems like one person wants their partner to have the ability to read their mind. This is what they tell me in my office : “He should KNOW what I like/want/need without me having to tell him. If I have to tell him what I want, well, then it doesn’t mean as much when he gives it to me.”

The funny thing is that some couples seem to be very good at mind reading. But are they really?

No, they are not–they are NOT mind readers at all! They are VERY good anticipators.

Here’s the way it works. Couples meet, decide to court, and spend a lot of time together. Over the course of time, they actually tell each other what they want, repeatedly. Especially early on, the operative word here is REPEATEDLY.

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What happens next? They get what they ask for, and are pleased, and appreciative. Why? Because being given what we ask for is a direct sign that our lover cares about us. The repetition of appreciation reinforces the behavior. With reinforcement, a pattern is built. A pattern is a pattern because it is repeated.

So, if you frequently tell me that bringing you a hot cup of coffee in bed on Saturday mornings means more to you than life itself, and I bring it to you, and then you tell me how much you appreciate coffee, and that you also appreciate me, after a while the coffee magically shows up each Saturday morning without you asking for it. Why? Because I’ve been conditioned to bring it. And the cool thing about all of this? It all happens unconsciously.

Fast forward 20 years from now when you happen to mention to one of your neighbors or friends that your spouse does this for you every Saturday morning. They will ask: “How does he know to do that?” You won’t say, “I’ve conditioned him well.” You will probably say: “I don’t know, I guess he just reads my mind.” And your neighbor will remark: “Jeez, I wish my husband would read MY mind!”

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