I Have a Hunch About A Boy
Using Hunch.com to solve dating dilemmas
For some reason, all day yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about a guy I used to date. Then I remembered it was his birthday. (Old holidays die hard.)
I picked up my phone to wish him a happy birthday. Then I set it down, remembering all that had happened since his last birthday. Then I picked it up, because what’s the harm of one little phone call? Then I set it down, remembering the enormous emotional, physical and pop cultural harm that can be caused by one little phone call.
The age old dating dilemma – to call or not to call?
I was at my wit’s end, about to resort to something drastic, like asking my Magic D8te Ball its opinion. That’s when I discovered a cool new website called Hunch.com, which promises to make your dirty dating decisions for you. (And sounds cooler than saying you used the good old magic eight ball to pick your spouse.)
The premise of Hunch is that, after asking you a bunch of questions about yourself and your query, it will dispense a definitive answer, a percentage of confidence in that answer and some practical advice.
The more times you use Hunch, the “smarter” it becomes about you and your questions. You also provide feedback as to whether or not you agree with Hunch’s decision result. (Although it seems rather uncouth to ask someone for advice and then tell them their answer sucks.)
The site’s advice can be applied to all sorts of life’s quandaries, but I’m certain I’ll be making my bed in its romance/dating/love department.
So last night, with very little time before the clock struck midnight and my ex turned into a birthday pumpkin, I put Hunch to work.
I typed in the key words: ex, boyfriend, birthday, call. Hunch was clever enough to suggest the decision topic “Should I call or text my ex on his/her birthday?”
It next presented me with six follow-up questions:
1. Would you say that you guys ended everything on “good terms”?
If by “good terms” you mean a shoe was thrown across the room at his head, then yes, good terms!
2. Have you guys spoken in the last three months?
Yes! We always keep in touch. He posts funny quotes and pics on his Facebook wall and I admire them. Every day.
3. Do you have a child with this person?
No. Unless he stole one of my ovaries in my sleep. Which would be cool with me, if you’re reading this redacted.
4. Is saying “happy birthday” your only motive in making this call?
Of course! What kind of person do you think I am? Someone who calls someone on their birthday just because they’d really like to catch up with them and find out whether their attitude toward marrying me has changed?
5. Were you two dating for more than a year?
Hang on, let me check my journal. Oh let’s see, yes, I guess it was more than a year. MORE THAN A YEAR OF UNFULFILLED PROMISES. Give or take.
6. How would you describe your relationship with this person? Sexual, loving or a nightmare?
All. Of. The. Above.
And then it was the moment of truth. What would Hunch tell me to do? I made a solemn vow with myself – and my journal – to follow Hunch’s advice to the letter.
The answer popped up on my screen:
Yes (50 percent) and No (50 percent).
I’m not making this up.
Apparently Hunch couldn’t decide if, yes, I should “Give him/her a call it’s his/her birthday after all.” Or if no, “It’s probably not the time to call. Either he/she doesn’t deserve it, or you should just flat-out not be talking to him/her.”
Thanks a lot, Hunch, for leaving me exactly where I started. To be fair, I tried some other dating questions with Hunch and it was far more definitive. For example, it’s 94 percent confident that I should ask Luke Wilson on a date.
As to the ex-boyfriend birthday call, I decided to sleep on it.
Read Carrie’s last blog: Big Flirting in Big Apple: Part Two!