In Every Marriage There’s a Tradeoff — What’s Yours?

We all take some bad with the good, in any relationship, right?

In Every Marriage There’s a Tradeoff — What’s Yours?

We all take some bad with the good, in any relationship, right?

-Melissa Chapman,

wedding rings

I love my “sugar daddy” — madly, desperately and passionately. But I realize now, at almost 38, something I didn’t really consider at 25 when I was marrying a 40-year-old man: this age difference will be a factor, simply because no matter how young at heart we feel, the physical body is its own beast that ages (and dies just a little) every day.

That’s right — my husband is 53, aka, he’s eligible for AARP and most of his friends have kids who have already graduated college and some who are even getting married. He’s middle-aged, and while when I look at him and his graying temples and the deepening furrows in his brow, I love him all the more. But, physically he is not on par with that of a 38-year-old man (or woman). He just doesn’t have the energy that I do, and while I’ve never felt our dramatic 15-year age difference before, recently I have started to, and it just makes me wistful (and wonder how my life would be different had I married someone my own age).

Don’t get me wrong — the man is in really good shape. He goes running every day and even takes cholesterol medicine (sheesh my husband takes cholesterol medicine!). He can run circles around me during the day, but when the clock strikes 6 p.m. he’s ready for bed (yes, he’s an Early Bird Special enthusiast) and, well, I’m not. Getting him to go out and party into the wee hours of 10 p.m. on a weekend night, well, it’s a struggle to say the least. I know it’s not that he doesn’t want to — rather his internal clock just doesn’t work well at that time in the evening. At almost almost 38, mine is RARING to go.

But I get it. This is my marital tradeoff: I married someone older because he possessed a maturity level that I simply couldn’t find in someone my own age. (When I got married at 25, my husband, who was 40, was still good to go after 10 p.m.!) I married someone who was ready to settle down and start a family and be as hands-on a father as I could possibly hope for.

I don’t regret my decision at all. I know it’s part of my path, and I love my husband … I just wish every once in a while he could stay up past 10 p.m.!

So, what’s your marital tradeoff?!

Melissa ChapmanMelissa Chapman blogs about her marriage and everything in between at Her work has appeared in The Staten Island Advance,, ABC News, BlogHer, Baby Center, Momtourage, Lifetime Moms, Babble, The Washington Post, Time Out NY Kids and iVillage.

Read all of her BettyConfidential columns here.

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4 thoughts on “In Every Marriage There’s a Tradeoff — What’s Yours?

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