In Her Words
In the G Spot
Becoming The Girlfriend without having The Talk
By: Kim Essency
I’m not quite sure how I got here. I’d been dating Mike for about two months, and we were hanging out on a Saturday afternoon. He needed to stop by his office to pick up some papers. A few of his colleagues were around, so he had to introduce me. I was prepared for many things that day: rain, a change in temperature and kissing (umbrella, wrap and mints, respectively); I was not prepared for the G word.
“This is Kim – my girlfriend.”
In my 20s, I would have leapt for joy to have a guy introduce me as his girlfriend without our having to have the Conversation. No long-awaited discussion, no tears, no “I need a commitment!” talk.
But there I was on that potentially rainy Saturday: 36 years old, in four-inch heels, looking for a place to hide. My insides were screaming, “Wait, I wasn’t consulted! We haven’t had the Talk! I’m not sure I’m ready to be your girlfriend! I haven’t been someone’s girlfriend in three years! There’s more out there!”
That evening at home, I consulted my calendar and counted the number of dates I’d had with Mike. Seven. I deftly avoided the topic – and Mike – for a week, blaming busy schedules.
But the next weekend, over dinner, Mike noted, “You haven’t said anything about what I said last week.”
He reached for my hand and looked into my eyes. “I know it’s usually the girl who brings this up, but I do think of you that way and …” He trailed off as I started to hyperventilate.
I think it’s time for a different talk. And I’m not quite sure how I got here either.