Is My Boyfriend Addicted to Phone-Sex?

ASK REAL GUYS Is My Boyfriend Addicted to Phone-Sex? Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I am 56-years-old and three years ago I met a man on a phone-sex chat line. I love him, and I moved from Georgia to Wisconsin to be with him. He says he loves me, and we have had sex maybe 10 [...]

ASK REAL GUYS

Is My Boyfriend Addicted to Phone-Sex?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I am 56-years-old and three years ago I met a man on a phone-sex chat line. I love him, and I moved from Georgia to Wisconsin to be with him. He says he loves me, and we have had sex maybe 10 times in the three years that we’ve been together. I am fit, good looking, very open-minded and patient. He watches porn but hides it, despite the fact that I have told him I enjoy it. I gave him a lingerie show with 13 outfits thinking he would get into it, but he said it just frustrated him. I offered to participate in phone sex with him, but he declined. He hides his cell phone bill – monthly about $300 – all due to the sex lines, which he denies calling.

I have been to counseling to try to understand him and myself, though he refuses to go. My problem is that he uses the sex line weekly, and although he claims to be attracted to me he won’t make love to me. He is not a physically affectionate man, and he is very emotionally unavailable.

I know he has been giving out his phone number to females on the sex line because I saw the phone bills. He seems to be angry all the time and he keeps lying to me about the phone lines. Do you think he is a phone sex addict? How can I get some help in understanding why he does not physically desire me? He refuses to give or receive oral sex, stating he has never liked it. He says we are in a committed relationship, but he talks to females from the sex line constantly. I have actually called these women and some say he simply wants phone sex, and others say he just wants to talk.

I asked him why he does this and he says that he can talk to them about things he can not talk to me about. He has insurance, so maybe he can get some mental health counseling? How can I get him to be physically and emotionally affectionate with me? Also, why do you think he likes to watch videos of women masturbating but he won’t accept when I offer to? I just don’t understand why he can’t give up the phone sex. Please help!

Steven: The question that you are asking yourself and me is not the bigger and most important question that you should be asking. You should be instead asking yourself why you are hanging on to a situation that clearly sounds like it is not meeting your needs. It also sounds like the qualities he is exhibiting are not qualities that you really want in a man. Why are you hanging on to someone that is lying as well as all of the other issues that you have described? You may want to consider really looking at yourself in regards to your own self-esteem and self-worth. If you do not take a stand for yourself and what you want, you are not going to get it. You obviously deserve much better, and I am confused as to why you don’t see this? Consider getting the help you need for the life you want. You deserve it.


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