The Tipping List
Keeping Married Sex Fresh
Tips to spice up your sex life
By: Dr. Resa Fremed
Keeping a marriage fresh is a problem all couples face. How can we maintain those feelings of newness and continued intensity in a relationship that is no longer new?
Some couples I’ve counseled have simply abandoned their sex lives while others just go through the motions: sex once a week, on the same day, in the same place and in the same way.
Fortunately, your sex life doesn’t have to be this way. Making love with your partner of 20 years can be a fantastic and pleasurable experience.
Here are some tips to help keep sexual intimacy alive:
- Practice treating each other as lovers. When you think “lover,” it implies excitement, desire, passion, fun, play and, of course, love. Talk to your partner about how the two of you can get back to those uninhibited feelings.
- Tell your partner what you do or don’t want. Avoid the trap of thinking, “if you really loved me, you’d know what I need without my asking.”
- Show your affection with hugs and kisses, especially when it’s not a prelude to intercourse.
- Definitely put a muzzle on the television set, BlackBerry and/or computer.
- Think of lovemaking as play. Give yourselves permission to be curious, take risks and experience joy. It’s OK to be adventurous.
- Try new patterns of lovemaking. Use a variety of caresses, different positions and different places for sex. Don’t be afraid of trying out sexual toys too.
- Take the initiative to plan a romantic evening or a sexy surprise for your partner.
- Recognize that we no longer have our 19-year-old bodies and therefore need to reinterpret the definition of what it means to be sexy as we age and our bodies change.
Overall, take personal responsibility for keeping sexual desire alive. Your partner will thank you in more ways than one.