Lex on Sex
By: Alexandra Smythe
Q. Dear Lex, I’ve been on a few dates with a guy I like and want to continue seeing him. He is affectionate, likes to hold my hand, and our good night kisses are a bit more lingering with each date. Sooner or later it will be time to be physically intimate with him. Six months ago I left a marriage of nine years. My sexual experience before my marriage was limited. Now that I’m facing intimacy again with a different guy I’m nervous about how it will be. I didn’t expect to have serious feelings about another man so quickly but here we are. How do I get up my nerve to get “it” over with so I won’t miss out on this guy? -Back to dating, Kensington, Maryland
A. With your choice of words, “sooner or later it will be time… facing intimacy… get it over with,” you are expressing a lot about what you think he expects from you. What I am missing from you is anything about what the two of you have discussed, and what it is that YOU want. You talk about sex like it is a burdensome task, rather than an act of loving intimacy. You should never have to “get over with” to keep any partner happy and in your life. Sex is a gift that you should enjoy giving, and when all is right, receive pleasure in return. This is true for simple flings or long-term relationships.
The past six months may have felt like a lifetime but in view of a nine year marriage, plus however long you were dating your ex, six months is a blink of an eye. So, I have to say, what’s the rush? Take some time to figure out what you want rather than wasting time guessing at what he wants from you.
It sounds like this guy isn’t a fling, and that you want to make it last. I am sure that if your beau is worth not missing out on that he will be willing to take all aspects of your relationship at a pace comfortable for you. So, take a deep breath and take your time deciding what you are comfortable doing when. It’s a simple question, really. Do YOU want to have sex? Make your decisions on how to proceed from there.