In her Words
Married Girls who Like Boys who Like Girls
Marriage muddles friendships with men
A guy friend, they say, is a boyfriend under glass: Break the glass in case of emergency.
Is that always true? And if it is, once we get married, does it follow that we can or should give up our “just in case” friends?
I always fancied myself a bit of a “guy’s gal.” I’m not tomboyish at all, so my role among my various good-looking, talented, sweet-hearted male friends was never the “one of the guys” sort. I was at turns a confidant, consultant and protectee; I was shown off and sometimes hidden from their new girlfriends. I liked my position – maybe I even needed it, as your average 20-something, insecure egomaniac.
Once I got married, I didn’t need it anymore. But I still liked the idea of it. I liked having Sex and the City-like impromptu meetings during the day to listen to my poor boys’ dating woes (while safely cocooned in my marriage). I still liked going out with my guys and having all my drinks paid for. I liked getting midnight calls from them desperate for a consult on an awkward one-night stand.
Alas, lines must now be drawn. Nighttime calls in an emergency only – evenings are for my husband andme alone. No more going out with just the guys. Married as I am, I’m still sadly far from figuring out the male species, but now I feel it’s better to keep all the discovering and figuring out within our conjugal twosome. No more innocent pecks on the lips and tight hugs that used to reaffirm my faith in men. It seems old-fashioned in a way – but safer, as well. It would be inappropriate otherwise, wouldn’t it?
It’s not only these unspoken rules between husbands and wives that are changing my relationship to my guy friends. I felt the unspoken rules with men at work as well. It seems my wedding day marked the end of the guys’ casual, and slightly sexist, compliments like “you look hot in those jeans.” Lewd jokes I used to humor as a “guy’s gal” now seem to be taboo in my presence. Or is it that, now that I’m a married woman, they now see me in the same light as their mothers?
I’m not sure if that counts as higher respect or merely a restriction; but it’s a change that I think is as appropriate as it was inevitable. Now I’m curious to see how things change when my boys are all married off as well…