Mean Betty on Gwyneth Paltrow's Latest, Unnecessarily Expensive Fashion Ventures

Mean Betty attempts to understand Gwyneth Paltrow's $90 t-shirt and $200 jeans for GOOP.

Mean Betty on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Latest, Unnecessarily Expensive Fashion Ventures

Mean Betty attempts to understand Gwyneth Paltrow’s $90 t-shirt and $200 jeans for GOOP.

-Mean Betty

Gwyneth Paltrow white t-shirt

Kittens, do you understand Gwyneth Paltrow’s increasingly odd GOOP creation? Or do you remain as baffled by it as Meanie does? Try as she might, Meanie simply cannot wrap her brain around this so-called “lifestyle publication.” The truth of the matter is that Gwyneth Paltrow’s means are far beyond those of most of the world, so how she intends to cater to the demographic who most likely make up her audience continually has Meanie scratching her head.

Case in point: GOOP’s latest venture, a foray into the world of fashion. By now, you have no doubt heard about the ridiculously expensive t-shirt dear Gwyneth designed, but in the event that you haven’t, Meanie has all of the juicy and somewhat bizarre details on this and on her other, less-talked-about designer collaboration for you:

Gwynnie has recently made available for purchase on GOOP two high-end designer pieces: A top and a bottom. The top, a collaboration with Kain Label, is a white t-shirt; meanwhile, the bottom is the joint effort of GOOP and MiH, a joining which resulted in a pair of jeans.

Oh, and if you want them, the t-shirt will cost you $90, while the jeans well set you back $200.

No, kittens, this is not a joke. Would you like the butler to bring you a mimosa while you try to digest this information? Butler, be a dear and assist our guest, won’t you?

Now then. Meanie is all for wardrobe basics, and all for well-constructed wardrobe basics at that. If it means shelling out a teensy bit extra cash for pieces that will last longer and never go out of style, so be it. But there’s rather a large difference between paying $25 for a t-shirt… and paying $90 for a t-shirt. A plain white t-shirt. What on EARTH could go into a plain white t-shirt that would make it worth $90? Was its fabric spun from the silk of a thousand tiny caterpillars? Was it hand-stitched with golden thread specially by Rumplestiltskin? Let’s see if GOOP’s description of the shirt in question reveals any surprising facts:

“We’ve collaborated with Kain Label, creators of the perfect tee, to create a version exclusive to goop. Inspired by tuxedo tailoring, we added grosgrain piping to the shoulders and sides, and shortened the length, modernizing this essential wardrobe staple.”

…Nope. No surprises. It is what it appears to be: A loosely tailored, plain white t-shirt with a tiny little bit of trim. Hmmm.

Read Mean Betty: Who Photoshopped Kate Middleton’s Teeth Into a Horror Show?

What about the jeans?:

“Our favorite MiH fit is The Marrakesh – a wide-leg, super lengthening jean. Wanting the perfect color for goop’s exclusive pair, we collaborated with MiH to develop an unwashed pure denim, Real Blue. Over time and with wear, the color will change naturally to become your own worn-in, faded favorite.”

Well, perhaps there is a little bit more to go on here; after all, tailoring a pair of pants is a wee bit more involved than constructing a t-shirt. It is possible that Meanie is slightly more willing to roll with the idea of $200 jeans, largely because as strange as it might be to admit, we live in a world where $200 jeans are far from uncommon. Does it make sense? No, but there you have.

At the same time, however, Meanie feels the same questions about Gwynnie’s $90 t-shirt apply in the case of her $200 jeans, as well. Is there really that much of a difference in quality between a $200 pair of jeans and a $100 pair of jeans? How about an $80 pair? $60? Goodness, Meanie even has pairs of $40 jeans that she has been wearing for YEARS which still have yet to show any serious signs of wear and tear. Meanie can’t help but think that the only reason for one to own $200 jeans is to boast that one owns $200 jeans.

The larger question behind these unnecessarily expensive wardrobe basics really has to do with what exactly dear Gwyneth is trying to accomplish with GOOP. She has continually been ridiculed for it—and, Meanie would argue, with good reason—and yet she persists in carrying on with it in spite of the fact. Why? Is it simply a pet project for her? Or is it vanity project? Is she really trying to help people live better lives? Or is it just, as she jokingly once said in an interview, something which would, if it went by any other name, be “Spoiled-white-rich-girl-dot-com?” Meanie is leaning towards “Spoiled-white-rich-girl-dot-com,” but perhaps that’s just her. What do you think, kittens?

One thing is for sure: Meanie will NOT be embracing the GOOP lifestyle anytime soon. Even if she DOES keep a butler around the house.


Mean Betty

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