Mean Betty Ponders Eden Wood’s Move from Pageant Queen to Movie Star
A little bird told Meanie that Eden Wood has landed the role of Darla in the new ‘Little Rascals’ remake. But is it really a good thing for her?
Kittens, what comes to mind when you think of Our Gang and The Little Rascals? Do you think of adorable wee ones with questionable sartorial choices (just how DID Alfalfa get his hair to do that, anyway?), running about their neighborhood, getting into scraps, and having all sorts of adventures? Or do you think of… glitz? Glamour? Dare Meanie say it… Toddlers and Tiaras?
Meanie is going to guess that your fond memories of Spanky, Buckwheat, Porky, and the rest of the gang DON’T include any of the hallmarks of TLC’s child beauty pageant show. But whether you like it or not, kittens, a touch of the tiara is coming to The Little Rascals: Universal Studios Home Entertainment announced last week that former Toddlers and Tiaras star Eden Wood has been cast as Darla, the apple-cheeked object of Alfalfa’s affections, in an upcoming, big screen remake of the classic series.
Does this little tidbit of news strike anyone else as terribly, terribly wrong?
Allow Meanie to explain (although give her a moment to fortify herself. Butler, dear? A Bloody Mary this morning, Meanie thinks…):
Meanie would never lambast a child—not even one like Little Miss Eden. But at the same time, Meanie can’t help but wonder: If it hadn’t been for the national exposure she gained on Toddlers and Tiaras, would Eden have still quit the pageant circuit at the ripe old age of six in an attempt to branch out to bigger, better things? Or would she have stayed within the pageant world instead, working her way up until she either won Miss Universe or got sick of the whole to-do?
The fault here lies not with the child, but with the adults around her. Kittens, have any of you ever subject yourselves to the Logo show Eden’s World? It followed Little Miss E as she attempted to break into showbiz in New York—and yes, it was as painful to watch as you might imagine. Meanie’s good friends at Crushable made some rather astute observations about it, which Meanie shall share with you here:
“As we all know, Eden Wood doesn’t actually have skills. ‘Cutie Patootie’ isn’t a good song and Eden Wood doesn’t have a good voice. She’s 7, so that’s completely okay. She has plenty of time to figure out what she is good at in life and pursue that with a passion.”
All of this is perfectly accurate. But Crushable went on to note that in spite of all this, Eden is right now being told by trusted grown-ups that she’s a talented singer, which leads to embarrassing incidents like this: During a meeting with a music executive (set up by her mother, of course), she jumps up on the table and “with some kind of air humping,” proceeds to sing “Cutie Patootie.” Write the ladies at Crushable, “It’s a cringe-inducing spectacle and you see the disgust in the music executive’s face. Eden Wood is not a child prodigy. She’s a 7-year-old being egged on by her mother and managers to become famous. Air grinding might be a hit on the stages at Toddlers and Tiaras, but it’s certainly not one in the real music world.”
Eden has been led to believe by the adults around her—her mother, her managers, and so on—that she’s an extraordinarily talented little girl, when really, she has become more infamous than famous—and infamy, as we all know, is no way to build a career (just ask Lindsay Lohan). And it seems to be getting worse as time goes on: Since Eden apparently failed to take off in the music world, she has now moved on—or perhaps more accurately, BEEN moved on by her handlers—to Hollywood. And Meanie can’t help but feel that it’s a recipe for disaster.
Eden Wood, Honey Boo Boo… occasionally Meanie wonders how much therapy these poor girls will need when they’re older. How healthy is it to this exposed at such an early age? We might draw parallels between girls such as them and former child stars like Shirley Temple… but even Shirley had exited the performance arena by the time she was in her early 20s. She went on to some wonderful things, but somehow, Meanie can’t see Eden or Honey Boo Boo going on to become a Representative to the United Nations General Assembly or Ambassador to Ghana.
Meanie supposes that all we can do is wait for the train wreck to happen… and then hope that we respond appropriately when it does.