Mean Betty: Rejoice! ‘Dirty Dancing’ Will NOT Be Remade Again!
Kick up your heels Bettys! There won’t be an awful remake of the classic ‘Dirty Dancing!’
Isn’t Hollywood cute these days, always going on about “reboots” instead of “remakes?”… Actually, no. It’s not cute at all. And kittens, when Mean Betty heard that the classic Jennifer Grey/Patrick Swayze flick Dirty Dancing was most certainly NOT on the “reboot” list, Meanie demanded a fresh margarita from the butler and danced with the pool boy. Hurrah!
Why was Meanie so gleeful over the prospect of not seeing a new version of Dirty Dancing? Well, Bettys, does anyone remember the reboot of Footloose? Ugh! One can only imagine what they would have done to DD. True, the original choreographer, Emilio Ortega was going to direct and choreograph the remake and writer Brad Falchuk, who’s written for Glee, was on tap to write the script; those two could possibly have made it work. But Lea Michele, Trespass’ Liana Liberto, and Canadian singer Nikki Yanofsky all screen tested for the role of Baby, which did NOT have Meanie dancing in the aisles. Lea has spent so long turning herself into a glamour puss that it would difficult for any audience to think of her as plain. Moreover, there have been so many rumors of Lea’s “diva” act on set that Meanie questions whether Lea’s ego could really handle being considered a “plain gal” in the movie.
And Bettys, don’t forget that this wouldn’t be the second time Dirty Dancing was remade. Yes lambkins, this would actually be DD3! Back in 2004, some genius came up with the idea for Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Do you remember that movie? No. And neither did Meanie, for that matter; the butler had to Google it for her.
But Bettys, although none of us can remember Havana Nights, critics took notice – and not in a good way. IIt got some horrific reviews. Pop Matters said, “It’s hardly ever a good idea to remake a beloved movie.” Film Jerk stated, “It’s been 17 years since Dirty Dancing took the world by storm, and all these years later, Havana Nights is here to remind everyone just how to strike when the iron is ice cold. Labored and reliant on historical context nobody asked for, the Dancing magic is gone, and your money would be much better spent just renting the original film.”
Could it be that the producers of DD3 started getting cold feet about the reboot when they thought that future reviews could possibly be as bad as the ones for Havana Nights? The official statement was that they were having casting issues. Nice save, guys!
Considering the failures of other recent remakes – Fun With Dick and Jane, Foot Loose, Conan the Barbarian, Straw Dogs… oh, the list goes on and on – perhaps DD3’s producers suddenly saw the light. Did anyone bother to see any of those movies? Judging by their seriously poor box office performance, Meanie thinks not!
Hollywood, darlings? Wouldn’t it be more productive and interesting if you used your brains to come up with new, original ideas, rather than digging up old movies that should just be left alone? If you’re stumped for ideas, call Meanie – she’s sure she can dream up a few!