Mean Betty: Stop Stealing the Hoff! Over 550 Cardboard Cutouts Are GONE!

Over 550 cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff have disappeared off the face of the earth!

Mean Betty: Stop Stealing the Hoff! Over 550 Cardboard Cutouts Are GONE!

Over 550 cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff have disappeared off the face of the earth!

-Mean Betty

 david hasselhoff
This is not a cardboard cut-out. We think.

Kittens, Meanie knows that The Hoff, AKA David Hasselhoff, is huge in Germany. In many circles, especially those devoted to hamburgers, the Hoff is considered a “god.” But how do you explain that  550 cardboard cutouts of The Hoof holding a cup of iced coffee have vanished from the face of the earth?

hasselhoff cardboard cutout

You see my little lambies, David (via a reasonable cardboard facsimilie of him) was promoting Cumberland Farms tasty iced coffee beverage at their mini-marts across New England and in Florida. Gigunda cardboard cutouts of the Baywatch star were either strategically placed in the cold drink aisle, or outside the shop, beckoning people to come in and grab a cold one. The clerk would turn away and then like a bad magic trick, they’d vanish!

Just to be sure, Meanie checked both the pool boy and the butler’s suites. They’re lovely boys, but they’re also pranksters. Lord knows what happens when they get together and sip Manhattans under the moonlight.

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Cumberland Farms only made 570 of these paper likenesses of the Hoff; now there are a mere 12 left! When asked about the theft, Hasselhoff told WHDH, “I think it’s fantastic and I encourage everybody out there to go get more.” Later on in the interview, he said. “I just hope nobody gets in trouble but I encourage everybody to go out and see what they can do about stealing a Hoff — but please have a cup of coffee while doing it.”

Think Meanie’s making this up? Watch the below video!


 

Yet no one’s been prosecuted for the theft. Could it be that the arresting police officer would be overcome with giggles whilst taking down the thieves?

Or could it be that somehow in some weird subversive way, Cumberland Farms wants the Hoff to be stolen? Hmmm. What Meanie would love to know is who is taking the rest of them? A few were taken by college students — that everyone knows — but who else wants a large photo of the Knight Rider star in their living rooms or bedrooms? Is it the college students’ parents? Is it the Hoff himself? Is there a chance that he and KIT are zooming around the country in the dead of night pilfering this likeness of himself from stores?

Or will this be chalked up as a modern urban mystery, much like why Brian Wilson took Sasquatch as his date to the Espys? Inquiring minds want to know, don’t you kittens?

XO

Mean Betty

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