Mean Betty's Reasons Why Lindsay Lohan's Publicist Might Have Quit

Why might Lindsay Lohan's former publicist, Steve Honig, have quit the starlet's employ? Mean Betty ponders...

Mean Betty’s Reasons Why Lindsay Lohan’s Publicist Might Have Quit

Why might Lindsay Lohan’s former publicist, Steve Honig, have quit the starlet’s employ? Mean Betty ponders…

-Mean Betty

Lindsay Lohan

As you no doubt have heard by now, kittens, Lindsay Lohan’s long-suffering publicist, Steve Honig, recently parted ways with his troubled client. Meanie can’t say that she is exactly surprised; after all, there is really only so long one can spend getting a perpetual publicity nightmare out of trouble. As the butler can attest, it simply wears one down after a time. (And for the curious: No, the butler will not disclose the previous employers he may or may not have had who may or may not have put him in similar situations. Rest assured, though, that Meanie is the very picture of innocence! Isn’t that right, butler dear?)

But what exactly might have been the reason behind dear Mr. Honig’s departure? Alas, neither he nor the tabloids are forthcoming; as Mr. Honig (or Stevie-pie, as Meanie likes to call him) put it himself, he’s “not discussing this out of respect for [his] client.”

Naturally, this means that Meanie and all of the other curious kittens out there will have to come up with our own reasons why Stevie-pie quit (alas, we can’t blame her awful “Oh, come on, Hurricane Sally [sic] isn’t going to be THAT bad!” Tweet, as it happened after the fact). Here are the possibilities that Meanie has dreamt up; do you have any of your own, kittens? Share them in the comments!

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1. Daddy issues.

Michael Lohan doesn’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to keeping Lindsay’s best interests at heart, and if anything has driven this point home yet again, it’s his recent attempt to gain conservatorship over Lindsay. According to the gossip mongers at TMZ, Stevie-pie released a statement after Michael’s “intervention” saying that Miss Lohan’s management team had nothing to do with Michael’s plans. Michael then allegedly called Stevie-pit “a (cover your ears, kittens) f***ing liar,” and the next thing we know, Stevie-pie has peaced out.

2. Stress.

In the two years that Stevie-pie has been repping Lindsay, she has: Passed out in a hotel room; gotten into a car crash; trashed her trailer; gotten all mixed up in a jewelry heist; been banned from a hotel for not paying her bills; been arrested for a hit-and-run; had the fight to end all fights with her mother, Dina; and so on. This, mind, in ADDITION to all of Lindsay’s court dates, legal troubles, and jail time. Meanie simply can’t IMAGINE what two years of dealing with these sorts of disasters might do to a body!

3. More troubles looming on the horizon.

Reports of Lindsay’s allegedly divalicious behavior (and not in the glamorous, VH1 special kind of way) have been pouring in since she went back to work, first on the set of Glee and now on the set of Scary Movie 5. Add to that the fact that an “insider” has been running around saying that LiLo stole upwards of $15,000 worth of clothing from the Scary Movie 5 wardrobe, and, well… Meanie can understand why Stevie-pie would want to quit while he’s ahead (or at least before the proverbial excrement hits the metaphorical fan).

4. Stevie-pie has long harbored a desire for a simple life in the country on a farm with two horse, a pig, and several chickens.

What? It could happen!

We may never know what caused Stevie-pie to hand in his walking papers, but Meanie can’t say that it happened a moment too soon—and, in fact, may have even been a few moments LATE. The butler says he can’t help but wonder who Meanie will rope in to represent her next. Are there any masochists out there who would relish the challenge of rehabilitating Lindsay’s shattered image? It will undoubtedly be an uphill climb, but surely there is SOMEONE up to the task?

Butler, dear? If you’re thinking about leaving Meanie for Lindsay… don’t. We both know that would be a poor decision. Besides, who else will Meanie drink martinis with while watching Real Housewives if you go? Perish the thought!


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