Men to Avoid
Don’t kiss these frogs
By: Courtney Beardsworth
While this nomad seems carefree and adventurous with all of his possessions secured firmly to his back, beware. He never stays put for too long and you will be constantly chasing him around the globe. Sure, traveling through Europe together without a plan sounds thrilling and edgy – until you’re sleeping on a park bench somewhere in Bohemia. This man can’t commit because he’ll always be in love with somebody else – the world.
The Mama’s Boy
Aw, isn’t it sweet that he has a picture of his mom on his nightstand? Did you ever notice that is the only picture he has in his apartment? This boy can’t make decisions without consulting his mom first. Asking her which color he should paint his walls seems innocent, but you run the risk of him asking her what color underwear he should wear too. But dont worry; youll always have a place in his heart—second place.
He’s told you about the “cosmic connection” you two have, right? Get your head out of the clouds! He’ll break you in like a good pair of Birkenstocks, but as soon as the relationship starts to stink, he’ll throw you on top of that compost heap. This dude is likely to leave you alone at the campfire while he’s busy reminiscing with a girl named Freedom about the last Phish show. When you ask him to settle down he’ll say, “Man, I’ve got this wandering soul and I need to go where the wind takes me. But, don’t you worry. When I look at the stars, I’ll think of your groovy soul.”
The 50/50 guy
“OK, you had the steak, the red wine and most of the dessert so you owe $58.69. That includes your share of the tip and tax.” If this guy is going to split food bills down the middle, he’s likely to be that way about everything in your relationship. When you’re stranded in the bathroom without toilet paper, he’ll remind you it’s your turn to buy some. Translation: he’s cheap and apparently doesn’t think you deserve more… than 50 percent.
The Mentally Unstable
Relationships are hard enough. Steer clear of the guy who can’t take care of himself properly. The odds are that he will melt your heart like a little puppy dog, but after a while there’s going to be a lot of poop to clean up. You will become his therapist and once he feels you have given him wings, he will fly… away from you.
This is the man with stories that never seem to line up. He boasts about his time spent in the wine country, but can’t tell the difference between a glass of Chardonnay or Cabernet. You love art and ironically so does he, but he’s pretty sure Raphael was a cartoon turtle he watched when he was a kid.