Mouthing Off: The Racist Vaginas of Summer's Eve

Have you seen the new Summer's Eve commercials starring a talking hand as your hoo-ha?

Mouthing Off: The Racist Vaginas of Summer’s Eve

Have you seen the new commercials starring a talking hand as your hoo-ha?

-The Mouthy Housewives

Summer's Eve

Suppose you’re the product manager for Summer’s Eve. Yes, THE Summer’s Eve—the people famous for selling douchebags of the non-Jon Gosselin variety. And suppose one day you decide that in order to move your new products, you need to make vaginas fashionable. You know—because female sex organs are just so totally last year.

That’s why you launch a new campaign called “Hail To the V”,  starring a hand pretending to be a talking vagina. I repeat: starring a hand pretending to be a talking vagina. As well as a website where interested parties can take vaginal quizzes, learn about vaginal power and download buttons that say, “THAT’S VAGINAL!” I don’t know about you, but I can not WAIT to ask my 65-year-old mother to Bedazzle that on a t-shirt for me. Then we’ll laugh and laugh and treat ourselves to some of the Summer’s Eve products specifically made to “pamper our vaginas.” No more Brillo pads and lye soap for MY bearded oyster, baby! My vagina’s puttin’ on The Ritz! We’s all fancy ‘n sh*t up in the Panty Hamster now!

But all kidding aside, I certainly don’t have a problem with this whole Vagina Power campaign. Sure, it’s tacky, disgusting and pointless, but so is everything Summer’s Eve makes. I mean, do you even know a single woman who actually puts “Douchebags!” on her shopping list? Because God knows if they did, the only thing they’d bring home would probably be wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt and a piece of crap Bluetooth. And maybe some jorts if it’s one of the classy variety douchebags.

That said, what I definitely do have a problem with is a vagina that’s racist. Like the the vaginas in the following commercials you may not believe you’re watching sober. The first stars an African-American vagina, the second stars a Latina vagina and the third is a vagina of the white-bread honky variety usually found in states with lots of cheese and talk radio listeners. Gird your loins and take a look, my friends. It’s something you’ve definitely never seen before.

Here’s “Lady Wowsa”:

Here’s “Leopard Thong”:

And here’s “BFF”:

Still with me? Or did you and your Wunder from Down Under just pass out from seeing so many ridiculous ethnic stereotypes being acted out by a f—ing hand vagina? I mean, WTF, Summer’s Eve? Paint with broad strokes much? Get your artistic sensibilities from Sanford & Son? For the love of God,  your creative director makes Mel Gibson look like the president of the Malibu Multicultural society. It’s 2011, you idiots. We don’t DO this crap anymore.

I guess we can at least take solace in the fact that they’re not trying to reach the Jamaican market or we’d be treated to a hand vagina with dreadlocks and a spliff in her labia. Or the Asian market where the hand vagina would be balancing chop sticks on her clitoris and doing math problems. Or even worse, a French vagina who sticks a beret and a baguette in a place they really don’t belong—unless the vagina is under contract with a niche porn producer named Le Pervy Jacques, of course. Viva la vaginal difference, mon freres.

But at any rate, after seeing those commercials, me, my vagina and every other vagina I know will most certainly avoid Summer’s Eve and their vagina pampering from now on. Because not only are their products useless, but their ad campaign also happens to be borderline racist.

“THAT’S VAGINAL!”?

No, Summer’s Eve. That’s a**hole.

-Wendi Aarons, The Mouthy Housewives

The Mouthy HousewivesThe Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.


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0 thoughts on “Mouthing Off: The Racist Vaginas of Summer's Eve

  1. RachaiaSky says:

    I think it’s really funny…

  2. kimber says:

    I wrote a letter to complain and told them I’d freshen up with battery acid and a brillo pad before I’d ever use their products {not that I ever do anyway, but whatever}.
    I got a quick response:

    Thank you for reaching out to us about the new Summer’s Eve(r) campaign.

    We spoke with thousands of diverse women across the U.S. to develop what
    you see on TV, online and in magazines to assure we were approaching our
    brand and products in a way women wanted and expected after years of
    talking in code and making this subject somewhat taboo.

    Once again, thank you for taking the time to let us know how you feel
    about the campaign. Our intention was never to offend.

    Kindest regards,

    Ashley
    Summer’s Eve V-Care Specialist

    Summer’s Eve…Hail to the V(r).

    Apparently I’m so not hip.

  3. DallasShoppingQueen says:

    Really, Mean Betty? YOU think this is racist, too? I

  4. tippy1 says:

    Actually it’s the product I can’t stomach, I can smell it walking by, GROSS.

  5. Corgigrrl says:

    ew
    that is all.

  6. lddcw says:

    the campaign is stupid and tacky

  7. Hayley_k says:

    Uh, they aren’t racist. They’re just accents. Speaking Spanish isn’t racism. They’re incredibly stupid but not racist.

  8. spacebarshift says:

    I first saw the commercial on Jimmy Kimmel Live and he said it played before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Then I watch Conan make fun of it. Both too good for words…hands down.

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