In her Words
Party of One
Single by choice – and loving it
By: Jessica Love
“They shoot single people, don’t they?”
What truth I find in this infamous line from Sex and the City. And what tragedy lies behind it. Because this year, I’m The Single One. My older sister is a newlywed (and oh-so-adorable with her hubby). My little sister is going on five years with her high school sweetheart. Cousins, best friends, co-workers – all seem to be happily married, newly engaged or deeply invested in a long-term relationship.
But I’m a freshman career girl, committed to success and opposed to dating mediocre men. After a couple years spent dating one guy after another and deciding I’m over all that, I now show up to various family and work events as a Party of One. And you know what? It’s not the pity party many women expect.
Being The Single One has its perks. It shows you’re confident, self-sufficient and free. No husband to cook for, no man to tell you to ditch girls’ night for him, no drama due to silly (or not-so-silly) arguments. Also: total control of the TV, the bed and the grocery list.
Nonetheless, people still think being single is a curse. Exhibit A: the following e-mail from my boss before our company’s holiday party:
“Hey, Jess. Will you still come to the holiday party, even though you won’t have an SO [significant other] to bring?”
Wait a minute – isn’t it quite normal to be unattached or perhaps dating a few guys (none significant enough to warrant a holiday party invite) in your 20s? In fact, many of the women I admire most are single into their 30s. It’s not unusual from what I’ve seen. And who’s to say that a woman isn’t single by choice? Who’s even to say she’s uncomfortable showing up places sans date? Perhaps she prefers to tote glittery accessories instead. Who are we to judge?
Singlehood is relationship-free time. If you have the desire to do so, you will fall in love someday and find a life partner. And life is a hell of a long time. Why spend less time as a single woman than as half of a couple? As for me, I assume The Single One isn’t single because she can’t get a date – I figure she’s brilliant and fun and has goals right now that simply don’t include a relationship.
So lay those rifles down.