ASK REAL GUYS
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: My boyfriend (28) and I (22) have been going out for a year and a half and we could see ourselves getting married some day. The only problem in our relationship is that my boyfriend has trouble performing sexually due to anxiety, which he takes pills for. I find this difficult to accept because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Sometimes I vent my frustration in front of him when he can’t perform, because I really enjoy having sex! My question is: how can I help him with this problem? I love him and am willing to work through this but I don’t know where to begin; I have tried everything. He hates talking about it, and I believe he sometimes shies away from my physical affection because he thinks I might want sex – which makes him worry about not being able to please me. When we do make love it is amazing! I want to make things better for both of us, any advice?
Steven: It is clear that you really care about him, and from what you are indicating, he is having a problem that is affecting both of you. I suggest that the both of you seek professional help together. Professional help can teach you how to understand what your boyfriend is going through and ways of dealing with it. Remember, this is not your fault and it has nothing to do with you; it is about him. Having said that, being there for him and being supportive from a place of contribution may help, just do not let this affect your own self-esteem. Bottom-line is this has nothing to do with you and you should not think less of yourself because of his problem.