In her Words
Pleasures of the bed Denied
What rituals of the bed did you lose when you wed?
By: Julie Ryan Evans and April Daniels Hussar
After years of primarily sleeping single in a double bed, having someone move permanently into that space can be difficult–especially if your mate nixes your fixes. And while our husbands may bring a lot of…ahem, good things to our bed too, we still like to bitch about what we’ve given up since we’ve had to start sharing.
Julie: Before marriage, my bed was my refuge – cozy, warm, inviting, with just the right number of pillows – a remote on one nightstand and a pile of books and magazines on the other. Each night after the day’s duties, I’d crawl in and watch TV and read during the commercials (this was pre-TiVo). I’d read and watch until my eyes couldn’t possibly stay open another minute. Sometimes I even left the TV on all night, as I sprawled any which way I pleased around the bed.
Then enter my husband, who, first of all, takes all of the good pillows. He can’t go to sleep with any lights on or noise – no matter how low the volume is. So my nighttime television shows and reading were soon curtailed or moved to the living room – which just isn’t the same. Plus, he’s a big guy, so there’s really not that much room for me – even on our king-sized bed – to sleep diagonally like I like.
But giving up all that is worth it when our 4-year-old comes bounding into our bed in the morning with hugs and kisses and snuggles for everyone.
April: When I think back now on how much of my “old” life I spent lounging in bed, reading books, drinking tea and eating snacks, my mind is truly boggled. How could I have had so much FREE TIME? My bed was my little oasis, usually surrounded by piles of books, empty cups, half-read magazines and a variety of pens and notebooks… a messy little nest of comfort. When I first moved to NYC, my bed was in fact my ONLY piece of furniture. In my next apartment, I had a super fun roommate with wild mood swings – when we weren’t out swigging Cosmos until the clubs closed at 4a.m. we were parked on her bed in front of the boob-tube eating chocolates, drinking red wine and … gasp… SMOKING!
Yes, the times have changed. Now – if I so much as think about bringing something with crumbs upstairs, my husband would be so distressed it’s just not worth it. And my time in bed is – for the most part (insert wink here) – strictly for sleeping. Yes – I miss my old bed routines. I wouldn’t trade my family for all the tea (or red wine) in China, but it would be nice to leave some crumbs between the pages of a good novel again.