ASK REAL GUYS
Pornography Is Ruining My Relationship
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I have been living with a man for eight years now. He used to be very attentive, giving me little gifts and doing little things for me that were important. For the past two years I have been battling emotional and physical ailments. I have gone through the change in my hormones – which made sex difficult – and about a year ago I had trouble keeping a steady job due to companies either laying me off or expecting too much. My boyfriend doesn’t work as he had the option of retiring at the age of 51.
I recently caught him looking at a porno site, and asking a 19-year-old girl for her phone number. Apparently he has been doing this for quite a while, though he refuses to accept blame and only gets angry when I bring it up. My question is: Is it worth staying with a man who has been lying to me for this long? He’s great in some ways and very charming at times. I’m angry though because he says that it’s all in my head.
I know that every man watches porno online and probably lies about it to their spouse, but asking for phone numbers? That’s going too far, and is it for phone-sex or to get together? When I go on his computer I see these pop-ups of young teen girls, who are naked and masturbating. I feel degraded, trapped, abused and confused. What should I do?
Avery: Not ALL men look at pornography online. It sounds like your boyfriend of eight years enjoys pornography though, and certainly asking for a girl’s number is asking for trouble. You need to have a serious conversation with him to let him know that this is unacceptable to you (if it truly is). If it’s NOT acceptable to you, he needs to know what the consequences of his actions will be. You need to be very sure of what you want and what you’re willing to do to get him to stop this behavior, and what you’ll do if he won’t. If your ultimate goal is marriage, and after eight years you are not even engaged to this man, you may need to look deep inside yourself and figure out what it is that you really want.