Schwarzenegger to Sheen: What’s Up With Unfortunate Mistress Hair?
Recent history’s most famous mistresses have proven to be hurt-looking hussies.
-Jackie Cascarano, lockandmane.com
None of us at Lock & Mane have ever seen the Mistressing Handbook, but we have made the conjecture, after viewing recent photos of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mistress and baby mama, Mildred Baena, that one of the requirements to be a mistress/baby mama/homewrecking hussy, is to have horribly, bad, awful, no good hair.
It’s certainly hard not to draw comparisons between the frizz and the dishwater blonde hue in this glamour shot (not to mention the low-cut blouse and the endless cleavage) and Arnold’s class act of a wife, Maria Shriver (who has always dazzled us with her wonderful locks).
Loredana Jolie and Jaimee Grubbs
This is obviously not the first time a public figure such as Arnold has had a dalliance with a woman whose appearance pales in comparison to that of his long suffering wife. In fact, it seems to be the norm these days. We at L&M dedicated an entire blog series to Tiger Woods’ slew of trashy mistresses and their unfortunate hair. It was a smorgasbord of frizz, dark roots and porny highlights. A far cry from his exquisite Swedish bride, Elin Nordegren.
And Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses,” who appear to have been imported straight out of a Texas Applebee’s, have yet to heed our warnings about over-usage of the flat iron and peroxide. Tisk. Charlie’s ex, Brooke Mueller, is certainly no Elin, but she’s a veritable Jackie Kennedy compared to the gruesome twosome.
Recent history’s most famous mistresses have proven to be hurt-looking hussies. Let’s stroll down Mistress Memory Lane for a moment to revisit some of our favorites.
John Edwards dealt a double blow to the late Elizabeth Edwards by revealing that he not only fathered a child with Rielle Hunter but he did so in spite of her hideous fashion sense and hairstyle. When it was revealed that Elizabeth was also fighting cancer during the affair, Edwards became one of the most reviled political cads in recent memory (an impressive feat when considering the competition).
The most notorious political mistress in decades (besides maybe Marilyn Monroe?) would be Monica Lewinsky. Hilary’s had her share of criticism when it comes to her beauty habits, but nothing compares to Lewinsky. The helmet head, the beret, the horror.
Perhaps the most famous mistress of the 1980s, paramour of televangelist Jim Baker, Jessica Hahn. Even for the ’80s, this was bad hair and way too much makeup.
Why do these powerful men seek comfort in the arms of women with worse hair than their wives? Some say it’s convenience (maybe they can’t be picky when they’re being sneaky?), while others argue these womanizers are looking for the exact opposite of their manicured, deep-conditioned good girl spouses.
And a final query: If you’re the cuckolded wife, would you rather the mistress be a Marilyn or a Mildred? Discuss.
Jackie Cascarano is the Founder and Creative Director of Lock & Mane, the fastest growing luxury beauty retailer on the web. Featuring a carefully curated selection of hair products and luxe accessories along with a fun and informative style blog, Lock & Mane is the ultimate destination for luxury hair care online.