Inside a Marriage
Second Time Around
Turns out marrying wrong the first time makes it easier to pick the right guy the next time
My first marriage was extremely difficult. I went into it thinking it was a lark – something I’d never, ever been inclined to do, but figured what the hell. Jack and I were engaged three months after meeting and it was us against the world for about the first six months or so. After that it went downhill fast. There was no trust, no respect, nothing good. Jack was funny and charming, and that’s about it. He was totally at odds with what I needed and wanted from another person. Did I mention that he was also an alcoholic? Yeah, that too.
We fought constantly and had a horrible pattern of breaking up and then getting back together again. It was exhausting, and when the all the pain and drama finally came to an end, it was the most wonderful feeling.
I filed the divorce papers on July 3 two years ago and continued on with my life on Independence Day.
Oddly enough, I first met Whit – my now husband – eight or nine years ago. We weren’t close – he was a friend of a friend, and we ran in the same circles. During most of that time we were both married to other people, so nothing ever happened.
One night after I’d left my husband, I ran into Whit and decided that I desperately wanted to make out with him. He was single by that point, too, but nothing happened.
Over the next few months, we kept running into each other, and slowly but surely we started spending more and more time together. My dad was dying at the time and Whit wrote me long, lovely, supportive emails. He won my heart in a way no one else ever has.
Nine months after we got together, he asked me to marry him. By then, I was dying to hear him ask! After he got the engagement ring, he gave it to me on the same pier where I had first told him that I loved him.
The differences between my first husband and Whit are enormous. For one thing, he’s an adult! He’s not an alcoholic, and he cares about things other than himself! He has a steady job, and I feel safe with him. The two relationships are like night and day. We have kindness, respect and deep love, and most important, we want the same things from life.
I kind of knew the first time I walked down the aisle that I was making a mistake. But from day one this relationship has been as right as right can be. Nothing is perfect, of course, but in our vows we said “I take you without hesitation and with absolute and unwavering faith in our love.” It’s corny, but it’s true. I’m 10 years older than I was the first time, and I’ve found this awesome, foxy man who I can’t get enough of! I consider myself supremely lucky.