Woman to Women
The Best Technique I Used in Restoring My Marriage
I committed myself to making it an incredible partnership
-Dr. Isabella Santorini, Work It, Mom! A Community for Working Moms
This is a very personal story. I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 12 years. During that time, we’ve had our share of stresses, not unlike most marriages.
We began our marriage just before were started medical school together. After graduation, we started our own clinic. Financial concerns were always foremost in our minds. Sometimes we acted like a team, but mostly, we didn’t. It wasn’t that we didn’t love one another, we just did not know how to create a great marriage.
Time went on and we made an awful business decision. Then I became pregnant. Life was tougher than ever. I had horrible morning sickness for three months, during which time we decided that we’d have to declare bankruptcy and close our medical office.
My husband and I drifted farther and farther apart. Now, with one income rather than two, our financial situation did not get any better.
Finally, we were just two people, going through the motions, and we didn’t even bother to be that kind to one another anymore.
That was the last straw for me. I told my husband that we needed to get help. We knew that we loved each other, and now, we had a child to consider.
So, we went to work.
We took an online class that actually taught us how to create a wonderful marriage. This helped us to begin to communicate with one another. That went a long way to solving our problems.
The very best thing that I did personally for my marriage, which was something I learned from my marriage expert, was that I started to respect my husband. It’s not a very nice thing to admit, but it was easy for me to blame him for not being the perfect person. I didn’t necessarily say critical things out loud, but I thought them often. I’m certain that this made my husband feel unappreciated and unsupported.
I went back to what I’d learned from my marriage expert. I learned that women are very strong and they have the power to help inspire the men in their lives. So I decided that I would do that.
I didn’t focus upon all that he wasn’t. Instead, I started appreciating him for what he did. Many men are basically good people, trying hard to provide for their families. I’m married to such a man. I started to take care of him more, doing little things for him and cooking great meals. I paid attention to what he might need.
This was not at all about being subservient to my husband. I don’t believe in that. It was about building a great partnership. He takes care of me in many ways, and I started really taking care of him. I began treating him with more kindness and appreciation.
The way I looked at it was that I wasn’t obligated to do anything. I wanted to do what I’m great at as a wife: taking care of my husband and believing in him. Again, this was about partnership. I simply committed to making my marriage an incredible partnership.
The differences this has made have been astounding. I finally listened to what my husband was actually saying and was able to help him focus upon things that he wanted to do. The result was that he started a business that soon grew so big, that he quit his other job. We’ve never been happier and my husband has never been more passionate about life, or about me.
The secret to having marriages work is learning how to create a great marriage. Most of us never learned that. Once we learn it, however, it leads to a wealth of happiness and joy.
About the Author: Dr. Isabella Santorini learned to create a great marriage from a master. She now has a powerful partnership with her husband. Learn from the best here.