The Plight of the Motorcycle Mama

What Would Debbie Do? The Plight of the Motorcycle Mama Dear Debbie, My son was in a terrible motorcycle accident a month ago. He nearly lost his hand and foot. Thank God for amazing doctors. He will have slightly limited mobility but with time, he will be at 98 percent. He and his wife bought […]

What Would Debbie Do?

The Plight of the Motorcycle Mama

Dear Debbie,

My son was in a terrible motorcycle accident a month ago. He nearly
lost his hand and foot. Thank God for amazing doctors. He will have
slightly limited mobility but with time, he will be at 98 percent.

He and his wife bought a new house just before the accident; they
were staying with me during the closing process. Well, as you can
imagine he was a little despondent and money was getting tight and we
had a fight. He was talking rudely to his wife and to me and all of a
sudden he attacked me. He tried to choke me and we ended up on the
ground and he broke my glasses. Some are blaming the drugs the doctor
had him on; others are blaming depression.

We haven’t spoken in two weeks. If I hold my breath waiting for an
apology I’ll pass away. What do you think should happen next? They
have since moved into their new place and I’m not sure I want to
forgive or forget until I get an apology. I am 53 and he is 27. We
have had problems before, but this was so unexpected. I am not afraid
to stand up to him, but now I don’t know what to think or do and my
friends and other family members are saying to let the relationship
go until he apologizes. I doubt that is going to happen. So, do I
lose my son and daughter-in-law or do I make the first move to heal
things? Thanks for letting me vent.

–Mom

Dear Mom,

I am so sorry that your son attacked you. It’s such a breach of trust and respect. But whether or not he was depressed or on some type of drug that escalated his anger, he needs to be responsible for his actions. Clearly, he is not.

As to your friends telling you to let this go, I can see their point. They are just trying to protect you. But I can also see that this incident has left you in great pain. Perhaps writing him a letter explaining your thoughts, and feelings would be a good first step. He may be so embarrassed at his actions; he doesn’t know what to say. I think if you offer an olive branch, he probably would take it. And I don’t think you’d be wrong for doing that. Sometimes peace comes when the hurt party is the one to reach out. It shouldn’t matter who does it, it just matters that it occurs. If, however, he does not respond, I think you can sleep better knowing you tried. It is your son…and those ties are forever. Good luck.


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