The Space Between Us
Step away from the snuggles
By: Kara Posner
A friend recently asked me how the whole marriage thing was going. He asked if my husband I were hitting the “separate bedroom stage” yet. Having never heard of this stage I was intrigued. “Do tell,” I said. He said, “Yeah, every couple I know eventually spends a few nights a week in separate rooms, like, if one of them needs some space to stretch out.” “Oh,” was all I pulled together as a response.
Stepping back from the snuggles, though, I intellectualize that it is a good idea to be prepared for the eventuality that one of us is going to need more space sometimes, in every sense. If you love someone set them free, and all that rot. What I need to remind myself of is that, we already have good precedence of going our separate ways for a short time. We’ve talked about it at length, before, during and after the absences. I left for traveling, he went off to school. Each time we agreed that the distance was tough, really tough, but we ultimately rejoined a stronger relationship. I’m OK with a couple of nights of not sharing a bed because I’ve found that individual personal development, wherever it sleeps, brings more strength back to the relationship.
My husband and I pledged to have and to hold one another for the rest of our lives. I suppose it doesn’t literally mean holding each other every night. We are both snugglers and most nights I fall asleep on his shoulder. I was sad to think about that ritual wearing off.
Can anyone out there speak to space being good or bad in a relationship? How much space do you need?