ASK REAL GUYS
Time to move on
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: My husband, who is 36, walked out on our relationship in January after 12 years together. His reason initially was that he felt like he had missed out on things in life. He also said he felt like he couldn’t take any more pressure, and he was drained. In the time we were together his mother died, my dad died, we had three failed IVF attempts, and my brother got HIV, which consumed our lived for a few years as I had to help with his health. Also, I suffer with endometriosis, which meant I had to have surgery on many occasions and it also has an impact on my libido.
We fought through everything together, and I was proud that we got through all of this. And really, I have to say whilst we were together we did truly have an amazing chemistry, we respected, loved, cared and laughed and rarely argued. We adored each other.
He always told me how much I meant to him and how much he loved me as I did with him. Now he has moved into a small flat, and communication between has broken down. He has said that he doesn’t want to come back home. He is happy living by himself not having to worry or care about anybody else. He has said he has strong feelings still about me that will never go away, but he doesn’t feel the same about me and that he feels different about himself–he feels like a another person. He also said that although he doesn’t want me, he also doesn’t want me out of his life completely, and if he thought he would never speak or see me again it would destroy him.
I’m not sure if he’s going through some kind of mid life crisis? There is nobody else involved; we have both been faithful and this is still the case as far as I am aware. I really do not want divorce. Any suggestions?
Steven: You should move on. Meaning, it seems wise based on all the drama, interaction and conversation you have had that he is moving on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you or love you, it just may mean that he doesn’t care and or love you enough. I think in your heart you know it is done. The tough part is accepting it. True, sometimes people can come to their senses and change, but it sounds like you have given this a lot of effort and it’s time to do what’s best for you.