In Her Words
Too Friendly for Comfort
How to deal with “that guy”
By: Krista-Alana Travis
As I’m throwing crumpled papers of scribbled phone numbers and strangers named Karen and Heather at him, he manages to summon up an excuse:
“I just want to be their friend!”
This statement angers me more. What man wants to be “just friends” with a pretty woman he met at a nightclub?
I shoot back, “What kind of amazing conversation did you have with this girl at the club that made you think you had to be her friend?!” This comment makes me think I won the fight. I secretly snicker to myself, imagining an in-depth conversation about the environment or the 2008 presidential election taking place on the dance floor.
“It’s just who I am. I’m friendly,” he says.
I’m stuck now. While I think it’s utterly ridiculous for a taken man to exchange numbers with women he meets at clubs or bars, I also don’t think a taken man should change who he is – if he is in fact that “friendly.” Do these men exist? Are there really men out there who can form platonic friendships with women, not based on commonalities?
Apparently I’ve found one.
Studies have found that men think about sex at least every six seconds of the day. While many are open to the idea of platonic friendships, they also approve if “just friends” turns into “just friends with benefits.” Look at When Harry Met Sally or every character on Friends – friendships between men and women always evolve into romance, or at least that’s what the media tells us. This makes me think that my boyfriend developing these friendships is akin to his getting a backup for when things don’t go well with us.
It also bothered me that while my boyfriend may understand his intentions, the women he meets do not. They’re offering their contact information based on the assumption that he’s just another man interested in getting to know them – especially after a night of dancing.
So how do we, as women, accept our mate’s personality – which made us fall for him in the first place – but put our foot down on actions we deem inappropriate?
If you happen to find that guy as I did and are faced with a similar situation, tell him this: Leave whatever you find in the nightclub at the nightclub.