What Can I Possibly Say About Sandy Hook Elementary?

Sandy Hook: As a mother, and as a writer, I can't find the words.

What Can I Possibly Say About Sandy Hook?

As a mother, and as a writer, I can’t find the words.

-April Daniels Hussar

in memorium

I feel that it’s important to address here the devastating events of Friday afternoon — the senseless loss of 26 lives; 20 of them little children — but I find I simply don’t have any words.

I could try to express the horror I know so many of us continue to feel; try to describe the overwhelming urge I had to drive over to my daughter’s school on Friday and bring her home as soon as I read about the senseless killing in a place that should be sacred, and safe. I could try to write about the underlying, almost overwhelming sadness I felt all weekend as I went about those regular, lovely pre-Christmas activities with my family, trying not to think too much about the suffering and loss of that community so close to my own … or about the fear and anger and heartache my mom friends expressed at our holiday get-together … or about the similar emotions that came up all weekend on my Facebook feed … or about the enormous difficulty of forcing myself to do morning drop-off today as if nothing had happened, as if I’m secure in the knowledge that I’ll safely be able to pick my baby up this afternoon … about the tears and hug I shared with a mom I’ve never met as we walked away from the building where we had just left the biggest part of our selves.

But it all just seems woefully insufficient. I don’t know how to draw any conclusion, or find any deeper meaning. I know I can’t bear to click on the photos of the lost ones just yet, and I haven’t listened to the President’s address; I don’t think I can bear it.

So, today, as we go about our lives and our daily occupations, I can only say that a piece of my heart will be with the families of Sandy Hook. I will try to focus on the good in the world, on my gratitude, on the blessing of having had to pack a lunch and look for a matching mitten this morning, and focus on work until it’s time for the school bell to ring.

April Daniels Hussar is BettyConfidential’s Editorial Director. You can chat with her on Twitter @aprilhussar.

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