Why Do We Need to Break Up Twice?

Over half of all adults get back together with an ex at some point. Pourquoi?

Why Do We Need to Break Up Twice?

Over half of all adults get back together with an ex at some point. Pourquoi?

-Emily Southwood


Ever feel like you’re experiencing déjà vu with a pal who’s going through a break-up? You thought you’d heard and said everything there was to express about what’s-his-face, and then suddenly, he’s back, starring in Primetime Conversation. A few weeks ago she’d concluded that he was nothing but trouble. But now she’s wearing her rosy colored Ray Bans. What dose of delusion is she hopped up on? Why does she need to go through this, yet again?

Recently, my friend (we’ll call her Rachel) ended up in round two of a difficult relationship. After hearing all about her ex’s negative traits throughout their yearlong breakup, I wasn’t having an easy time supporting her decision to walk back into the fire. So I decided to do a little research on the matter—is this a common thing? What is the draw? I found a Psychology Today article that asserts: 60 percent of adults have gotten back together with an ex at some point. Searching my own relationship’s past Rolodex, I remembered a boomerang love from my early twenties. I think we broke up no less than six times. Oopsie, who was I to judge Rachel?

Reminded of my old erratic flame, I recognized myself in many of the classic pitfalls outlined by the experts interviewed in “On Again, Off Again.” One was going to my ex to comfort me, and basking in the temporary reprieve from the misery of the break-up when we reconciled. Another was the way I’d exaggerated his good qualities and faded out his bad ones during our separations. Convinced of how awesome he was, I’d worry I would never find anyone as great—even though I knew in my heart things weren’t quite right. And finally, I had become somewhat addicted to the highs and lows of the on again, off again dynamic. What can I say? I’ve always had a flair for the dramatic. But this kind of drama always comes at a cost.

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In Rachel’s case, I could see many of those patterns, as well as a new one. With her, not only did what’s-his-face’s not so savory qualities seem diminished after some time apart, some of her own negative behaviors had improved. At the end of their relationship, Rachel, usually a powerhouse of a woman, had taken several uppercuts to her self-confidence. But after being alone and healing, she’d begun to resemble her old self—self-assured, motivated, and funny without always being sarcastic. With her new outlook, not to mention her new glutes—she worked though much of her pain on the Stairmaster—she fell into the familiar pothole of communicating her newfound clarity to her ex. AKA, calling him up to say: “See how well I’m doing without you? See what you’re missing? Shaft!”

And guess what? She was pretty darn attractive to him. The added ego trip of his renewed advances didn’t hurt. So it’s no surprise that when they reconnected to “talk things out,” the chemistry was electric. All the crappy parts of their past simply melted away. At least for one more knock down, punch ‘em out moment in the relationship ring. It wasn’t easy to see my friend once again vulnerable to the potential stresses and pain.

In the end, I don’t think Rachel will actually wind up back with her ex. She called me up the other day to say that their long-term goals still aren’t similar enough and he remains unwilling to compromise on her key needs. Of course, if round three is a must, I’ll still be here to support her.

As for what’s-his-face, I suggest he walks the other way when he sees me coming down the street.

Emily SouthwoodEmily Southwood is working on a memoir called Prude and blogs at imarriedapornographer.com. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband. Emily is the author of the “I Married a Pornographer” series on BettyConfidential.

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2 thoughts on “Why Do We Need to Break Up Twice?

  1. My name is Ruiz from UK I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr olori. I email Dr olori the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr olori for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too

  2. My wife has accused me of a lot of things in our years of marriage some of those accusation were true and i admitted to doing them but am to much in love with her to give her an s.t.d. She was down to end our marriage cos she believed i gave an s.t.d. She had a good reason to believe that cos of late i haven't been the best husband. Thank God that s@@t was clarified in the Trisha show that i was not responsible for the s.t.d. She was in love with me as i was in love with her. Yes i will admit to the fact that i f$$ked up so many times but we always got around our problem i don't mean avoid it i mean we fixed our problem like real adults but my stepson always thought i was not good enough for his mother. We never really got along. I never hated him, but he just didn't like me and i wasn't gonna suck up to him.He just wanted me out of their life and our problem just made it possible for him to see that happen cos he also accused me of giving my wife, his mother s.t.d. I agreed to do the Trisha show thinking maybe it will help fix our marriage but it made it even worse. After the show she was more down to leave me. She asked that i move out of the house filed for a divorce and all. I thought she will come to her sense and see that though she had s.t.d i still wanted to be with her. I thought if i should give her time the anger and bitterness will die but it didn't even after a whole month after everything.She had the divorce papers delivered to me. I could not let her go just like that.I got desperate and i started panicking so i used a spell to get her back i know most people don't believe and you may call me crazy but it worked for me. I found a comment on the Internet about this spell caster Metodo Ell. The comment said he doesn't do spell for those who are not meant to be together. I mean i believe with all my heart that she is the one thing i needed in my life and i also know she needs me too so i thought he could help me get her back.He agreed to help me cos he also said we are soul mate.All i needed for the spell were materials to get the spell done. I could not get them so i paid him to get them for me since he is the expert in this stuff.After three days, he sent me a substance with instructions on how to make the spell effective and i did as he directed but honestly it took seven days to work i guess good things don't work like zap. As far as i can tell that s$$t worked cos all my marriage problem just fell off my shoulder AFTER THE SPELL WAS CAST.My wife didn't go through with the divorce and stepson is cool with me now. If you want to get him to cast a spell for you contact him here with this email address metodoacamufortress@yahoo. com he could also do a direct spell maybe it meant cost a little more than mine i don't know him only can tell you that.

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