You and Yours
Relight Your Romantic Fire
By: Rosemarie Lynass
WITH two days until Valentine’s Day, if you haven’t planned some romantic treat for your loved one it could be that you’re stuck in a romance rut.
Does the thought of sharing a romantic moment with your partner leave you cold? Here are some common problems that get in the way of romance and ideas for getting over these hurdles and start enjoying the romance again.
YOU’VE been together so long you’ve run out of ideas. Use your imagination. If you’ve tried all the obvious ones, such as candle-lit dinners and love songs, try something more personal instead.
The most romantic gestures are ones that show your partner you know them well and have been paying attention to them.
Pay attention to his needs and do something that’s just for him, like offering to rub his shoulders or making him his favourite meal-even if it’s just pie ‘n beans.
You’ve never been the romantic type. This is probably because you’ve never really tried. Being romantic isn’t something we are born with, it takes effort.
It’s all about taking the time to notice what your partner likes and putting some thought and planning into giving them the occasional treat.
It’s never too late to start being romantic and if you don’t at least try you’re being unfair on your partner. Why not surprise him by writing a personal message in a card that tells him all the things that you love about him.
You think that being romantic is the guy’s job. Well, it’s not! Romance is a mutual responsibility in any relationship. You’ve got to give if you want to receive. Lead by example and your partner might learn how you would like to be treated. It doesn’t matter who creates the romantic atmosphere, you’ll both get to enjoy it. So if you take turns at being the romantic one, it should lead to more romance for both of you. Take the lead and book a romantic dinner.
You feel silly with all that mushy stuff. Romance doesn’t have to be soppy. If hearts and flowers aren’t your thing, then you have to find your own unique way of expressing your love for your partner.
Music is a great way expressing your emotions, so why not put together a CD of songs that make you think of your partner-even if they’re not love songs they will have shared meaning for you both.
You don’t fancy your partner anymore. This is more difficult to get round but you have to talk to him about this. Don’t just tell him all the things you hate about his appearance or personal hygiene.
Instead, try making suggestions for things that might help to make you attracted to him again. You could tell him you’ve always fancied a guy in a suit and suggest you both get dressed up for a night out. If you are full of resentment about past issues this can get in the way and you might have to work this stuff out in counseling before feeling romantic again.
Rosemarie Lynass is a member of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy